My sister in law is a doctor and she recommends a normal syringe. One of her trade magazines has a column for funny stories and I read about a woman who went to the doctor with wax in her left ear. Doctor got himself organised with the syringing gear, and forgetting which ear to use, put the syringe in her right hear. The woman was puzzled for a moment and asked isn’t there something in the middle there doctor?
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Was my first thought as well but I think the reality is that most dab tools are re-purposed from other uses. Most of my dab tools are old dental tools for example.
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I can’t think of a better way to perforate my eardrum.
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I think if it were designed by Ballard, it would look less steely-shiny and more like the sort of thing that had drifted in with the tide amidst other junk and detritus.
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“The drum generally heals up; and if a hole remains in it, although one is somewhat deaf, one can blow tobacco smoke out of the ear in question, which is a social accomplishment.”
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apparently you can’t beat the water pump and hose this should put out the fire
unless your going to beat about the bush
dr ernst made the traffic noise horrendous when exiting the surgery
I use one of these puppies. Works a treat. You have to have a bit of patience though - go at it slowly for maybe up to as much as 30mins and then - FUHDOOSH! You are rewarded.
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much prefer the foot pump version ii
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Nothing but authentic Mayan jade earwax scrapers for me.
UPDATE: Boing Boing is not yet selling Mayan-themed multi-tools. I am disappoint.
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Ear Candleing actually works, but not the store bought kind, you have to make your own.
The hardest part is shoving the wick down into your earwax. 
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I know this (without even Googling) that this is a J.B.S Haldane quote (he had his father’s interest in physiology in addition to his genetics).
I was thinking more of a combination of surgical steel and beige* plastic, in a blow-moulded case. Maybe something like this:
*To be specific, the colour of 1970s NHS hearing aids.
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I figure these were being made already, and they just were repurposed as dab tools.
Cronenberg-designed ear tools DO NOT WANT.
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Their sole purpose, innit?
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" 100% medical grade stainless steel "
What does that actually mean?
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My kid has become a Dr. Pipmplepopper fan, and bought the zit buster toolkit from the same company.
Apparently my nose is both the perfect testbed for tiny stainless steel torture devices and sadism sandbox for a preeteen girl.
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If true, it means it’s one of a handful of alloys (most likely 316 stainless steel) considered acceptable to use in medical tools because it resists corrosion, is nonmagnetic or very weakly magnetic under relatively weak fields, and has some resistance to the mild alkalinity of blood and the mild acidity of urine and the acid mantle of human skin. Despite appearance and feel, even when carefully cast and polished, metal has some slight porosity due to being a malleable irregular crystalline structure. You therefor want something that’s easy to disinfect without causing corrosion over time which can become a haven for bacteria. You can achieve this effect by simply plating over what is known as pot metal, usually an alloy of cheaper metals such as copper. The thickness and quality of stainless or chrome plating varies widely, but in general it will corrode quickly if the plating becomes sufficiently scratched or dinged up such that moisture can get into the metal. So 100% likely indicates it’s solid stainless instead of merely plated.
All that said, I would strongly discourage using solid metal implements to clean one’s ears. You’d be almost guaranteed to perforate the eardrum, which can result in extremely persistent infections and permanent hearing loss.
Hope that was helpful 
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“non-dynamic tissue”
I don’t think so. There’s a common procedure of deliberately puncturing ear drum to drain fluids in children (grommets). These grommets need regular replacing because the ear drum repairs itself after puncture. Glue ear - NHS
So every ENT everywhere says the same thing:
You don’t mention olive oil Earwax build-up - NHS which seems to be pretty effective.
It’s note worthy that if you have an earwax problem that doesn’t resolve itself with olive oil water and time an ENT will often initially attempt to remove the wax without syringing e.g. Microsuction — Clear Ear Clinic. It’s just they don’t trust you to do it.
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Yes, very helpful, thanks!
Austenitic and martensitic actually triggered memories of stuff I’ve learned ages ago, I’ll refresh that over the weekend.
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