Jurassic World earns half a billion dollars in opening weekend

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Okay I haven’t seen trailers or anything, my exposure consists of the gif beeschknees posted.

So tell me this, I don’t expect them on the water dino pictured, but, are there feathers present elsewhere?

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No, but they neatly sidestep this by explaining that due to the DNA “fill-ins”, these aren’t exactly like “real” dinosaurs.



I’d like to provide a review of this film but that wouldn’t be fair as I only really saw about 10% of it due to my near constant eye rolling and face palming.


I saw it and it was pretty good. You have to suspend disbelief, but you ALWAYS have to suspend disbelief on summer blockbusters.

Spoiler-filled commentary:

The genetic engineering of a new, never-before-seen apex predator is so plainly a bad idea that it takes the most effort to skip over. But this is a sci-fi action flick about dinosaurs eating people, not a primer on ethical science and theme park management. For those who haven’t seen (and who clearly don’t mind spoilers): the park has created the “Dominus Rex” (sponsored by Verizon ™) to look as scary as possible, because running the park is expensive, there are only so many people will to fly to Costa Rica and lay down thousands to see dinosaurs, and the normal dinosaurs just aren’t cutting it anymore. When it gets out and they ask B.D. Wong, “why is this so dangerous,” his response is, “you can’t genetically engineer something to look like a scary predators without actually making it a scary predator.”

But on the plus side: it does a good job of showing what a working Jurassic Park would be like – T-shirts, Starbucks, lines, the most adorable petting zoo ever – and the younger kid, Gray, actually looks genuinely thrilled beyond belief to see real dinosaurs. That excitement is something the middle two films in the franchise never even tried to capture.

There are some emotional misses – putting Owen on a cycle near raptors, the lone raptor at the end coming out of the smoke to save the day at the climax, etc – but overall it accomplishes exactly what it set out to do: show some exciting dinosaurs and have them eat people.


The biggest turd ever sold.

If you starve a summer audience of content they’ll buy anything.


The technical term is coprolite.


Jeff Goldblum or GTFO.

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Here you go.


Man, who knew the guy from Parks and Rec who plays the dopey comedy relief (as it were) would be a huge movie star?

Can’t forget John Larriva’s sumptuous rendition of that scene, Ian Malcolm: From Chaos:


Oh my yes.
That’s quite the sight.

Why do they never use bird DNA?

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Thats a shit load of money for what sounds like a movie I’ve already seen.


Which brings us to the main plot point of the movie: faux-real dinosaurs are boring; the fairgoers want to see faux dinosaurs with bigger brains and bigger teeth.

We took the DNA of a Triceratops and mixed it with that of a bona-fide Department of Motor Vehicles clerk to create the greatest monster that ever lived.


As dumb as this movie looks it still sounds far better than that other Jurassic Park IV concept that was abandoned a few years back. Gun-toting dinosaur/human hybrids is a ridiculous premise even by summer action movie standards.

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It’s pretty much Jurassic Park 3.5 if you ask me. Throughout the whole thing I kept asking myself “didn’t I already see this scene in one of the previous movies?”

Takes one to know one, Krieger 2.0.

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