It’s not my gender that’s the factor as much, but rather the act of changing. Obviously my wife and kids would be affected, but there’s also my evangelical parents and possibly a few others. There’s also the issue of changing for money, which could be a problem for many people.
Then there’s the question of how the other gender even lives. Presumably a transgender person changes their identity to suit how they see themselves, but if there’s no biological change and I just have to “live as a woman”, what would that actually entail? A lot of differences you see are cultural, and the biological characteristics would still be male. I don’t think anything close to the majority of women I know apologise a lot when they speak, for example, although I guess that could be more common in a corporate environment. Some men I know do. Is deference feminine? Should trans women accept this as a mark of womanhood? Do you, @chgoliz?
Honestly, I haven’t heard a discussion of gender that doesn’t leave me a bit confused about the whole thing. I’ve never really considered myself anything but male, but I have enjoyed a number of activities that some see as feminine - cooking, needlework, singing etc. I’m also the main childcarer in the family. Does that make me more feminine? It’s never really made me feel that way. My older brother is good at knitting, and used to knit for his friends while sitting in lectures at university. I sometimes bring my sewing with me on public transport, and a while ago I saw another guy doing the same thing. There are many things about masculine models and patriarchal cultures that I dislike and don’t identify with, and I particularly dislike the strict division between masculine and feminine identities. At my church youth group, the accepted wisdom was that boys and girls couldn’t just be friends, because it would inevitably become awkward. I did end up becoming good friends with one of the girls; inevitably, the youth group made it awkward even though neither of us had feelings for the other person. I would never have ended up with my wife if we hadn’t ignored similar ideas in the organisation we worked with at the time; we were good friends who respected each other for a long time before we developed any feelings for each other. I generally think the problem is with the culture, rather than my not fitting it. As far as I’m concerned, I’m biologically male and heterosexual, and the rest is what I make of it. People will draw their own conclusions, as they do.
My children are messed up, genderly speaking. My son likes My Little Pony, enjoys playing with dolls and braiding their hair and generally gets on better with girls his age. My daughter thinks poop jokes are the funniest thing ever. On the other hand, they both show a number of more stereotypical characteristics for their sex. My son wants to fight with me every evening and my daughter wants to dance with me (although sometimes it’s the other way around). They both like wearing beautiful dresses, playing with Lego and computers, doing stuff outside or helping me cook. I’ve never thought any of this had anything to do with their gender, but some people around them do.
I guess there’s the issue of gender identity that could be the clue, but I’m not really sure what’s behind it. If we’re going to leave sexual orientation completely out of your gender identity, what is it that makes you feel one thing or the other? I’m not doubting people’s own experience at all, I just find the whole thing so arbitrary and messed up that I can’t imagine aligning with either gender model that strongly (if we could even decide what those models are). I feel the same about my nationality. After being told that I’m not a proper Irishman and not a proper Brit for half of my life, I’ve seriously considered becoming German.
I’d do it for free if there was no such awkwardness anyway.
