Luke Skywalker on how to write a cover letter

It means enforcing “immigration laws” on those fucking Sand People, amirite?

3 Likes

Sounds about right, considering how little effort they put in the last hires i saw in my department.

4 Likes

They took muh droids!

2 Likes

Also, this makes a great cover letter.

That’s why I bury all the buzzwords in hidden text in the résumé.

4 Likes

[Int: Jabba’s throne room]

A cloaked LUKE SKYWALKER approaches JABBA THE HUTT.

JABBA: Ah, young Master Skywalker! I’m glad to finally meet you in person. I found your cover letter very intriguing. Did you know I met your dad back during the “Clone Wars” era once? I followed his career since he was on the podracing circuit. Smart kid.

LUKE: I must be allowed to spea—

JABBA: Of course, listen to me rambling on. Can I offer you something to drink? You must be parched. I’m having frog juice myself. So, I understand you’re here to bargain for Captain Solo?

LUKE: You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to me.

JABBA: So we’re negotiating for the Wookiee too now? You’ve got cajones, kid. I like that. Tell you what, I think I’ve had Solo on my wall long enough to make my point. I’ll let him go for 60,000 credits. I’ll even throw in the sasquatch. You gotta admit that’s a pretty good price considering I just paid 35,000 for the Wookiee alone not 8 hours ago. But I like your style and these robots were actually a very thoughtful gift.

LUKE: …uh, oh.

JABBA: Something wrong, kid? We can work out an installment plan if you don’t have the cash on you.

LUKE: …it’s just… I didn’t really expect you to say yes. And I kind of need the droids back. I left my lightsaber in one of them.

JABBA: What the heck, kid? First you say you’re here for Solo, then the Wookiee, now you’re un-gifting the droids? Anything ELSE I can get for you?

LEIA: (clears throat)

LUKE: Yeah… she’s kind of my sister?

JABBA: You mean this chick who just tried to rob me last night?? I was cutting her a deal by letting her work off her debt as a server instead of calling the cops!

LUKE: Well, that outfit you put her in is highly misogynistic!

JABBA: It’s a standard waitstaff uniform around here. This place is a freakin’ oven! Why do you think I’m not wearing any pants??

16 Likes

Pro tip: if you apply for a job in corporate land use the term Justice Moon.

3 Likes

It’s a Peace Moon

http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0497.html

2 Likes
1 Like

Later, Luke carefully scrubbed all mention of bullseyeing womp rats after the Womp People’s Confederation petitioned the New Republic to launch an inquiry into the fate of Womp refugees on Tatooine.

5 Likes

Why not? He’s just a “walking carpet” in her estimation. For a somebody who was supposed to be a leader of a multispecies rebellion, Leia was rather bigoted. Makes me wonder what she called Admiral Ackbar.

2 Likes

Oh don’t go there…it’s a trap!

10 Likes

They never really delved into this in the movie but “Scruffy-looking N••f-H••••r” is also one of the most offensive ethnic slurs in the galaxy.

6 Likes

Bothans. Anyone know how many died?

2 Likes

All we know is they were slightly less tall than Wookies…

2 Likes

I find that post rationalisation fascinating, when her line is clearly “nerve-hurter”.

1 Like

4 Likes

And they hid in canyons from a moisture farmboy in an armed skyhopper.

2 Likes

Interesting. Where I work, if you don’t include one, you get passed over immediately, as it’s one of the “requirements”.

2 Likes