Also:
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Force trip:
Really puts the “arse” in Arsenal!
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HR: “I see on your resume that you spent some time as a Storm Trooper on the Death Star. Aren’t you a little short for a Storm Trooper?”
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Unless you can kick yourself in the face.
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And was Luke even acting in good faith when he offered Jabba his droids as a gift?
If you look at this from a certain point of view it’s really Han and his friends who are the bad guys here. Han was the one who repeatedly reneged on a contract even after stern warnings of the consequences. Luke, Leia and Lando all entered Jabba’s home under false pretenses and/or disguises (claiming variously to be bounty hunters and Jedi Knights, even though none had been accredited as such) and neither Luke nor Leia had any intention of upholding their ends of the bargains they proposed. Plus they straight-up murdered hundreds of law*-abiding citizens to save one dude whose life wasn’t even in immediate danger before they showed up.
*Insomuch as the concept of “law” exists within the society of Hutt-controlled Tatooine.
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Sovereignty!/s
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Randomly slaughtering people for poor hygiene, keeping violent breed animals and, let’s face it Uber-level treatment of female employees doesn’t bother me as much as plans that rely on 10 or more low probability contingencies.
Plus, a lightsaber is pretty much licence to do whatever you want.
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I mean honestly if you had to choose between the Hutts or the Empire I think you could make a pretty good case for sticking with the guys who can uphold their end of of a business agreement. When Jabba says “thirty-five thousand” or “there will be no bargain” you know he means it. None of this “I am altering the deal, pray I don’t alter it further” nonsense.
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He’s the last laser master!
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Yup! They use screening software that scans your resume for buzzwords, s̶c̶a̶n̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶c̶i̶a̶l̶ ̶m̶e̶d̶i̶a̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶p̶o̶l̶i̶t̶i̶c̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶e̶t̶h̶n̶i̶c̶i̶t̶y̶, check for plagerizing/templates, and if you’ve already have applied.
Which just leaves HR to kick back and keep doing nothing.
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Hey now, HR works hard.
To protect the company. And nothing else. They are not your friends and will have you fired the moment they think there’s any chance you’re a liability.
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It means enforcing “immigration laws” on those fucking Sand People, amirite?
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Sounds about right, considering how little effort they put in the last hires i saw in my department.
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They took muh droids!
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Also, this makes a great cover letter.
That’s why I bury all the buzzwords in hidden text in the résumé.
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[Int: Jabba’s throne room]
A cloaked LUKE SKYWALKER approaches JABBA THE HUTT.
JABBA: Ah, young Master Skywalker! I’m glad to finally meet you in person. I found your cover letter very intriguing. Did you know I met your dad back during the “Clone Wars” era once? I followed his career since he was on the podracing circuit. Smart kid.
LUKE: I must be allowed to spea—
JABBA: Of course, listen to me rambling on. Can I offer you something to drink? You must be parched. I’m having frog juice myself. So, I understand you’re here to bargain for Captain Solo?
LUKE: You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to me.
JABBA: So we’re negotiating for the Wookiee too now? You’ve got cajones, kid. I like that. Tell you what, I think I’ve had Solo on my wall long enough to make my point. I’ll let him go for 60,000 credits. I’ll even throw in the sasquatch. You gotta admit that’s a pretty good price considering I just paid 35,000 for the Wookiee alone not 8 hours ago. But I like your style and these robots were actually a very thoughtful gift.
LUKE: …uh, oh.
JABBA: Something wrong, kid? We can work out an installment plan if you don’t have the cash on you.
LUKE: …it’s just… I didn’t really expect you to say yes. And I kind of need the droids back. I left my lightsaber in one of them.
JABBA: What the heck, kid? First you say you’re here for Solo, then the Wookiee, now you’re un-gifting the droids? Anything ELSE I can get for you?
LEIA: (clears throat)
LUKE: Yeah… she’s kind of my sister?
JABBA: You mean this chick who just tried to rob me last night?? I was cutting her a deal by letting her work off her debt as a server instead of calling the cops!
LUKE: Well, that outfit you put her in is highly misogynistic!
JABBA: It’s a standard waitstaff uniform around here. This place is a freakin’ oven! Why do you think I’m not wearing any pants??
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Pro tip: if you apply for a job in corporate land use the term Justice Moon.
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