Man charged with grand theft pistachio after stealing 21 tons of nuts

I imagine in a couple of years when the human race has gone extinct and the aliens are looking around, they will flag that as a religious site.

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I initially read the headline as:

Man charged with grand theft pistachio after swallowing 21 tons of nuts

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Delano Pistachio, as the great Cato said.

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I remember we had a watermelon heist many summers ago. Similar kind of black market agricultural heist.

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Trivia -
The US (California) and Iran are the top producers of pistachios with over 300 THOUSAND metric tons (tonnes) grown in both places in 2019.

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Jen Psaki knocking down yet another nutty question.

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They thought they could just guac out of there?

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What’s that fairground game with the avocados and the mallet? Guac-a-mole?

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I was really hoping the thief was mustachioed

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“Nuts!” (Gen. Anthony McAuliffe)

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My Spanish teacher at community college preferred, “Cacahuates!”

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This guy?

Then there was the great maple syrup heist of 2011-2012 where 3000 tonnes of syrup valued at over 18.7 million CND was pulled off in Quebec. During the decade when violent successionists were trying to make Quebec its own country I would joke that the basis of the currency would be maple syrup. Truer than I knew…

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