Man seeks police authorization to shoot Bigfoot

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If any ‘official’ were to declare something akin to “Sure, why not, it’s not like they exist anyway” then someone would use that to mitigate a homicide (as opposed to sasquatchicide) as a clear case of misidentity (“If the jury would direct its attention to this fuzzy photo of the victim wearing his wookiee costume”)


Yeah, was going to say the chances of shooting a hominid in NA and it not being a huge mistake are pretty much nil.


Ohhhkayyyy, maybe he thinks he needs to keep the population viable for hunting season next year?


When ever I hear about people wanting to get permission to shoot a Bigfoot, American Skunk Ape, Bushman, Treeman, Wood Ape, Yeren, Yeti, Yowie or any intelligent, large, hairy non-human humanoid or any remotely human like cryptid, I think they want to kill a human and avoid culpability.

Sure, on the face of it they speak about science; yet with all the surveillance technology and ubiquitous high quality cameras in all our pockets and the ability to sequence hair and scat samples we have yet to find a single extant intelligent, large, hairy non-human humanoid. So, I think it comes down to wanting to kill a person and if that fails and they kill a intelligent, large, hairy non human humanoid - they would be happy that they killed a clearly endangered species.

Now if Art Bell and popular culture has taught me anything, it is that intelligent, large, hairy non-human humanoids are in league with aliens from another dimension or from another planet, friends with Steve Austin, and are at the very least smart. These cryptids are smart enough to drive giant gas guzzling SUVs with tinted windows when they must travel in public, wear orange safety vests when in the and pretend that they are making calls on a cellphone when ever they are in the wilds. They are smart enough to dress as highway and construction workers, and perhaps even hold down a job in construction to pay for all that gas for their giant SUVs.

Now, I’m not saying that intelligent, large, hairy non-human humanoids are real, but if I ran into one, I’d give it an orange safety vest. And if I were looking for intelligent, large, hairy non-human humanoids, I wouldn’t look where we have never found them, but I’d look at places we haven’t look at yet, like inside big SUVs with tinted windows and along highway repair sites, perhaps that person holding the traffic safety stop sign is really a cryptid, and if they are, the more power to them.


No, that’s Elvis.


Down here in Dallas, we take great joy in redirecting inquiries from new residents (who hail from northern climates) when they ask about where they can buy a snow shovel for their new home. We usually get to watch them ask about a half-dozen thoroughly amused locals, before one of them breaks form and tells the former yankee that, around here, most Texans “need” a snow shovel about once every decade or two – If that. Sounds like law enforcement up there plays a similar game with Bigfoot inquiries.


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It’s a good thing that Peter Mayhew had bodyguards when they were filming RotJ.


McGann Why


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