Matt Damon would like you to congratulate Matt Damon for not being a sexual predator

Men: Don’t forget, we have lots of other ways of being terrible besides sexual harassment/assault!


It is entirely compatible with observations for the vast majority of men to not engage in this sort of sexual misbehavior, and the vast majority of women to have suffered from it. Few abusers have only one victim.

The preponderance of men he’s worked with probably haven’t done anything. (The preponderance with power? Well, I’m far less sure about that.)

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I’m struggling to understand what you mean there, and I can’t come up with a single version that isn’t a really shitty thing to say.

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Start here:

No tall men?

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Dear Matt Damon:


Sexual predators try to keep their extracurricular activities among themselves. Targets of sexual predators are cagey about sharing their experiences for fear of disbelief, victim blaming and the possibility the person they share it with is also a sexual predator. Most sexual predation is committed by men. Ergo, most men who are not sexual predators have little to know understanding of what it’s like to be a target of sexual predators unless they themselves have, like Terry Crews, been targeted. Most men haven’t.

@replicant1968’s comment may have been overgeneralized, and should have been qualified so as not to erase the experinces of men who have been targeted from the discussion. But the point had a kernel of truth that bumbling men like Damon should take heed of.


Haven’t, or are under more social pressure to keep it quiet?

Homophobia is a hell of a thing. Nothing quite like the danger of getting your ass kicked–or worse–for coming forward about being assaulted.

Anyway, I suppose you’re probably right, it just rubbed me wrong. “Of course he doesn’t know of anyone who sexually assaults anyone, he’s a man.” That can also be read as, “dur, men have the stupid, they wouldn’t know.” Not a good message when men also get the message, “Men, do your part to stop this bullshit from happening.”


IIRC in the 90s Chris Rock had a bit about people wanting credit for doing what they are supposed to do.

“Yeah man, I take care of my kids.”

“You’re supposed to take care of your kids. You want special recognition for what you’re supposed to do?”

(Paraphrasing, too long since I have seen it to quote it. Might look it up tomorrow.)


You are correct:


That’s a good question.

Yes. And even as a secure adult with support, that takes a lot of courage. Crews credits his wife with giving him the moral and emotional support to come forward.

I get where you’re coming from. It wasn’t the best worded way of saying it, but I think it came from a good place.

IMHO, Chris Rock is an underappreciated voice in speaking truth to power.


So the reality is that women have whispering networks to let each other know about which men are ok and which ones are rapey.

I didn’t know about this because I am male. By simply listening to women during the whole #MeToo bit in both the media and [this is a big and, pay close attention] AND my personal life, I have learned about this network and have been allowed into the loop by some close female friends. It’s there, it’s real. This happens in your social circles, and the men don’t know because no one tells us. There’s a good reason for this. It’s seriously unsafe to tell us about the nice-vs-rapey lists.

So yeah. He has no way of knowing. Either he’s on the rapey list or he’s decent but clueless and totally unsafe to clue in. And thanks to the patriarchy, that covers basically all men. Even the good and mostly good ones.


But, don’t we each deserve praise for the ways in which we aren’t terrible! Why always focus on the negative? /s

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Not being a sexual predator is good, but not looking the other way when there were so many sexual predators around is what was expected from anyone with a minimal level of ethics.


At the risk of being seen to be nitpicking, saying stuff like ‘hang on a sec, I’m pretty sure CK doesn’t deserve as much hate as Weinstein’ looks more like calling for reasonable proportionality to me.

Although I am wondering why Damon thinks anyone’s gonna give any particular shit what he reckons about it; this point isn’t going to get much traction unless it’s coming from someone respected as a feminist.

Because apparently we find ourselves in a place where a statement can’t speak for itself; what seems to matter more is who’s saying it.


This is unrelated to rape. You just described “internet 2.0”, the one where social networks can win elections.

No, I’m describing tribalism; currently having its flames fanned from all quarters.

The only tribe I want to kick some arse with is the poor.

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It is another word for the same concept.

Internet 2.0 is a synonym for tribalism?


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Relax, all he’s saying is #notallmen, because he’s sure nobody ever had that idea before.