Neural net trained on Goop products


Originally published at:


$14 for some Loveral Supplement Capsules? What the fuck is that?


@beschizza Now need to train the AI on the same products sold by Alex Jones, and then use the sentence space gradient explorer to come up with marketing speak for these products midway.


Goop + Infowars:

Sex - $59.50
Sex & Support - $199.00


I didn’t know they made so many products.



trained a neural net on the names of products from Gwyneth Paltrow’s spiritual hygiene wellness lifestyle shop

I assumed that was how the real product names on Goop were produced in the first place. Indeed, that the whole site was the product of a weirdly trained AI.


Previously, in a similar vein:


“The toothbrush” - there can be only one.


I wonder what “Marine bio-active mouthwash” tastes like. Algae I imagine.


It’s just a handblown glass jar of raw seawater. The jar probably also doubles as an irrigation tool for probiotic coffee vaginal enemas.


“there’s a product over here
a product over there
wave your wallet in the air

Goop there it is!”


I just want to know how much $$$ she makes off that damn site.


Ah, dangit…now I gotta go change all of my passwords…


The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Supplement Capsules!


“The Familiate in Younglightly of Meniden” sounds like the 5th novel in the “Younglightly of Meniden” series of fantasy novels.


It’s nice to see they’ve included options for men. Scrota steaming and ball ironing.


You can do the steam as above, or you can do a Penis Soak:

Fill a drinking glass, vase or jar deep and wide enough to soak the penis and testicles with a strong infusion of appropriate herbs (equal parts yarrow, sage, lavender and chaparral).

Let penis and testicles soak for about 5-10 minutes 2-3 times a week.

The tea should be as warm as possible. You could also use a sitz bath, filling a small basin or plastic tub with the warm herb tea and sitting in it.

You can expect discharges from your penis after treatment. This is a normal cleansing reaction. If you have any unusual discharge or response to this treatment, inform your practitioner.

The use of essential oils can be added (Tea tree (Melaleuca alternifolia), lavender (Lavendula vera) and Bergamot (Citrus bergamia) IF you do as a penis steam - allowing the vapors to arise with the heated water, but without the penis touching the water. MAKE SURE YOU DISPERSE THE OILS WELL. If any irritation develops, discontinue.

Sounds like a bit of work to get those wrinkles out - so use starch.


Uh, penises should only discharge anything ever in two cases: Pissing and ejaculating. Any other discharge is a cause for concern and if something a dick is soaked in causes any kind of discharge it is categorically irritating the dick and should be stopped.

What a bunch of fucking malpractitioners. I hope they all get charged with fraud.


People… it tastes like people.

I bought the generic Worst-Case Scenario Supplement Capsules, and they just weren’t up to the job. A false economy.


Wow. I have definitely been neglecting my penis.