Lame. Tolkien would be aghast, I suspect. Fairy tales don’t need full-frontals.
Full-frontal Fairytales could be a popular genre, who knows.
Maybe we could see "Jack and his beanstalk "
lol, and ugh.
Fairytales originating or re-imagined as pr0n have a long history. Rule 34 applies. But don’t pork that Orc!
Now I’m concerned about the Fellowship visiting a Lothlorien full of MELFs.
HBO did it for eight seasons.
Beren and Luthien is one of the greatest love stories of all time. At least give them that.
The sexposition would be massive. They’d need week long orgies to keep up with the footnotes and The Silmarillion.
Footnotes, endnotes, prologues, afterwords - they all sound dirty if you say them right.
We’ll finally get the story about the Entwives starting a lesbian commune.
*hobbit excitement rises
Since Middle Earth is probably the world’s most famous sausage party, this is going to be much more progressive than one would expect from a major network. About time too.
Paging Mr. Sarsgaard? Sir, we have a job that makes use of a particular skillset you developed over lockdown.
You’re totally right, but do we need onscreen T&A to appreciate that? It “made sense” in GoT because of how much sex was in the books (though the show was notoriously light on male skin). Intimacy could be inferred here without losing the story one bit.
I know that it’s a part of real life etc… but that’s not what LoTR is to me. YMMV
“Do you like what you doth see…?” said the voluptuous elf-maiden as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded, shadowy glories within. Frito’s throat was dry, though his head reeled with desire and ale.
She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of her.
“Let me make thee more comfortable,” she whispered hoarsely, fiddling with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. “Touch me, oh touch me,” she crooned.
Frito’s hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest.
“Toes, I love hairy toes,” she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet. Her tiny pink toes caressed the luxuriant fur of his instep while Frito’s nose sought out the warmth of her precious elf-navel.
“But I’m so small and hairy, and…and you’re so beautiful,” Frito whimpered, slipping clumsily out of his crossed garters.
The elf-maiden said nothing, but only sighed deep in her throat and held him more firmly to her faunlike body. “There is one thing you must do for me first,” she whispered into one tufted ear.
“Anything,” sobbed Frito, growing frantic with his need. “Anything!”
She closed her eyes and then opened them to the ceiling. “The Ring,” she said. “I must have your Ring.”
Frito’s whole body tensed. “Oh no,” he cried, “not that! Anything but…that.”
“I must have it,” she said both tenderly and fiercely. “I must have the Ring!”
Frito’s eyes blurred with tears and confusion. “I can’t,” he said. “I musn’t!”
But he knew resolve was no longer strong in him. Slowly, the elf-maiden’s hand inched toward the chain in his vest pocket, closer and closer it came to the Ring Frito had guarded so faithfully…
Don’t kink shame that hobbit on hobbit action.
I suspect Frito is a Took.
