Nigerian astronaut lost in space needs $3m to get home

No, just happy to see you.

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Le’go my Lagos?!!
Oh, Nigeria!
Giant Tales


did you know that Nigeria, the “Giant of Africa” is the 7th-most populous country in the world?

I did not know that.

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AND YOU DIDN’T HELP?

What kind of monster are you?

He could have been home decades ago.

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That’s my little pet name for my wife!

RAWR!

I’m pretty sure this is false logic. People assume that the reason scammed keep trying this is because there’s a payout. But other than time, it doesn’t seem to cost anything for these scammed to ply their nonexistent wares. It would take the tiniest fraction of a penny per email to find out. If there was any sort of profit to this, they’d find a break even point and we’d still see this kind of “art”. If it dried up, we’d know that it was just the lottery ticket chances of a payoff that keeps this scam going.

I don’t get why spammers keep referencing Nigeria, given that it makes spam filtering so easy.

Only the most stupid marks will be seduced by now.

It’s cost-effective to filter out the less gullible.

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This is proven by research.

(Yes, Microsoft Research actually published a paper on this)

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Ground Control to Major Tunde.

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I tried to deep dive the internet and can’t find anything more than a passing reference that it was featured on “THE BEST OF NIGHTLINE WITH TED KOPPEL, 1980 - 1990” - but I remember a few months after the collapse of the Soviet Union, there really was a cosmonaut who was floating out in space as his country ceased to exist, and there were administrative issues to getting him back home. Ted Koppel interviewed him live on Nightline and couldn’t keep a straight face.

It had to be Sergei Krikalev:
I was a Russian cosmonaut in space as the Soviet Union collapsed – your questions answered

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After 14 years in space, he has no bones. He is largely a liquid. Returning to earth will kill him. Also, gamma radiation.

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Boing Boing has documented the Nigerian Space Program:

It is also possible that he hitched a ride with the Zambians…


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Guys guys guys - Don’t send any money!!! I’m pretty sure this is a scam.

Consider this: the Soviet Union broke up in 1991, not 1990 (as the letter claims)

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Thank g-d for fact-checkers, we almost fell for it!

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They’re making a movie about the poor guy, stranded up there in space, it looks like it’ll be pretty good.

They’re calling the film ‘The Nigerian’…

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Is the money to produce the film tied up in escrow and they need your help to release the funds?

He is for sure still there. The Nigerian Aeronautical Space Agency have been shuttling up supplies to him. And they have to do it every day because they can only fit a lunch box in the cargo space. It is draining all of Nigeria’s resources. I think they were hoping for a more international response, a bit like the Chilean mine incident, but so far only Mali has offered 3 camels, and Guinea Bissau offered one Gabon viper (no doubt a comment on their exclusion from Nigeria’s ambitious yet embattled space program). We can only join the millions of Nigerians burning candles each night as they watch their hapless hero gloat aimlessly overhead…

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So… he’s the Blob monster from that one 80’s movie?

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It’d be a downer though, because he’d come back and all that radiation would make him look just like Matt Da…what? Yeah, he could have a stuntman whose looks return, or vice versa! Still, (20-14) million and whatever glutathianone cleanses and retcons cost.

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