Oh no, they made a Twinkies cereal

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/11/18/oh-no-they-made-a-twinkies-ce.html

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Why can’t people just put Twinkies in a bowl and cover them with milk, the way we used to do it?

Why is late-stage capitalism ruining all our best traditions?

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ohnoes

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and yet, not a word about the iconic TEXTURE of the twinkies in this cereal. i’m assuming they are crunchy, since it’s cereal, but that runs against a large part of what people LIKE about twinkies. the taste is key, but the texture is too. but mushy twinkies cereal just sounds baaaad.

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Did you know there are TEN flavors of Cheerios nowadays?

Soon we’ll have Chocolate Twinkies Cereal, Blueberry Twinkies Cereal, Strawberry Twinkies Cereal, Honey Twinkies Cereal, Coffee Twinkies Cereal, Olive Twinkies Cereal, Basil Twinkies Cereal, Calamirari Twinkies Cereal . . .

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I heard these are just all the twinkies they put in the vault to test the longevity rumor back in the late 1800s. gotta make room, y’know…

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you-were-so-preoccupied-with-whether-or-not-you-could-35498437-01

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Never think for a moment that capitalism does not think of you as a mere conveyance machine, meant only to move capital from your body to their banks.
They detest you and want you to produce crap and consume crap until you are dead.
Here is your q.e.d., packaged in a brightly colored box.

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I would love to talk with the person responsible for this atrocity of food for 5 minutes in the manner of Jeff Goldblum above to ask them what the hell was going through their heads that the world needs not only another pure sugar cereal but something this ridiculous and unhealthy

How do people sleep at night knowing they have created something like this? Are they just trying to hasten Idiocracy becoming real?

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I will eat any breakfast cereal at least once for science.

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Looks f’ing poisonous, for realz.

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You wanna talk late stage capitalism, in what other era did a company need a Brand Manager of Cereal Partnerships?

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That’s some low-effort flan right there.

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giphy

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Breakfast of champions cockroaches! :face_vomiting:

https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2013/07/09/200465360/the-science-of-twinkies-how-do-they-last-so-long

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Well, time to update this video.

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Ew.

Next we’ll have Deep-Fried Twinkies Cereal.

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The effort comes when it’s time to eat it.

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