Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/06/27/oklahoma-schools-now-require-every-classroom-in-the-state-to-teach-the-bible-video.html
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Of course, they’re not going to teach it from an expansive, literary, and historical POV, or even from a ecumenical, broad-based Christian perspective, I’m guessing…
Biblical math? Biblical biology? Biblical social studies? Biblical art? Biblical band? Biblical gym?
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It goes without saying that they don’t actually want to include proper historical context because then students might start asking questions like “wait, you’re saying Moses had exactly the same origin story as Sargon the Great and the Hindu hero Karna?”
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Might be fun to use the Bible so you could demonstrate all the ways that Ryan Walters is going to burn eternally in Hell – but you probably wouldn’t get to keep your job for long…
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Just be sure to focus (to the exclusion of all else) on the Song of Solomon (nestled warmly twixt Ecclesiastes and Isaiah)
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“Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.” (7:3)
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“Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.” (7:7)
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“My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts.” (1:13)
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“I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.” (8:10)
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“Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” (4:16)
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“My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.” (5:4)
and so on
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Proper historical context likely would require including a discussion of the Bible compared to other religious texts. I’m picturing how the governor would react if some history teacher were to teach a course where the students read from many of the other religious texts (or translations thereof) from this list in addition to the Bible. He’d especially flip his lid if they included the Quran.
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Q: “How does someone get pregnant?”
A: “First, you get your father drunk…”
(I’ll stop there).
Edit: Since this was flagged as off topic, I’ll elaborate. That this is one of many lesson to be learned from the Bible and “have and teach from the Bible” is the core of the new Oklahoma law.
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Also fun: According to the bible, Moses, who had been adopted by Egyptians and raised as one of them, discovered his true origins when he was a young man. Subsequently he spotted an Egyptian (authority figure) beating up a Hebrew (minority) and murdered the Egyptian in rage.
I.e., he was radicalized by this event.
Moses buried his victim in the sand and was never caught. According to the Talmud, this is why he was able to lead the Hebrews to the chosen land, but was himself forbidden to enter it.
So kids, the bible teaches that if you ever see a cop beating a minority, kill the cop and bury him. Afterward you can drive the fam to a celebratory dinner, though you’ll have to skip the event yourself. But hey: dead abuser. Worth it.
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…Because spending Oklahoma Department of Education funds on lawyers is yet another way of starving education funding.
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See, I appreciate various intepretations of biblical story that aren’t just “CAUSE GOD SAID SO, NOW LISTEN TO AUTHORITY AND DO WHAT THEY SAY” which tends to be the interpretation that almost all these theocrats promote… I especially appreciate the whole focus that’s part of Jewish history and discourse (because, of course, it’s first and foremost a Jewish text). I was raised in a predominantly protestant Christian area (with strong focus on authority of the preacher’s interpretation of the good book) and sort of feel like looking at the book from various perspectives is incredibly refreshing. It shows why, despite us living in a more secular era, these things still DO matter and we SHOULD study them, just not from a right wing Christian view…
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So is the assumption that, between personal piety and parental and school board pressure, they simply won’t have to issue an official Caesar’s Guide to Ideologically Correct Bibleology; or do the plans to go after critical and red letter editions, or the…not a team player…flavor of ‘historical context’ just not fit in the press release?
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I’m guessing that the bibles will be sourced from particular vendors, who will provide a specific text - the folks who do Prager U, perhaps, since they’re already providing “educational materials” for states with right wing majorities? Likely an updated version of the KJV, but one that’s embraced by various right wing preachers these days in the white evangelical community. There is an entire pipeline for this kind of shit now.
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I like to point out to xtianists that creation, AKA, the natural world, is God’s word made real. And studying it is just as much studying God’s word as reading the bible is.
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hey. gotta build up those kids’ throwing arms for when the state brings back stoning as a method of execution.
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Every fucking school in every state should teach the Bill of Rights and the Constitution every fucking year.
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That is certainly a thing that exists.
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Seems like they didn’t specify which Bible…
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This is not OK, OK.
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