Oxford study says just shake hands, don't kiss strangers


#1

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Where men and women like (and hate) to be touched
Lawsuit: homophobic Hawaii cop arrested women for kissing in public
#2

Me too. Hugs are for close friends. A kiss on the cheek is for… Like three people total. If someone says they “are a hugger” I’ll go along with it with a smile–i’m not rude.

But hugging a stranger? You have to earn that right, buster :slight_smile:


#3

In my wife’s Indian family the women expect the double kiss. One each cheek.

I am reluctant to give even one. Dunno why, I am just reluctant to go kissy with people I am not close to. But the double kiss is doubly awkward. I do one, back away, and the other cheek is presented, uh you want more, and have to go in again.

Just take a “Bye” and wave of the hand.


#4

Why does this chart say that it’s moderately appropriate to touch your sister’s boobs?


#5

Well, once at least. It’s part of learning as you grow up. Isn’t it?


#6

#7

I’m a big hugger, but only people I’ve know for a while.


#8

a high level of intimacy from a stranger

I have always struggled to understand people’s contradictory attitudes about things such as personal disclosure and contact!

It seems that, by definition, if you are intimate with a person, they are not a stranger! The less contact you have with someone, the more of a stranger they really are. Even the concept of “intimacy” itself troubles me, as I am sure that I experience it differently than many others do. I am always aloof or oversharing, with no way to negotiate a middle ground, because people choose to communicate effectively only when they are already comfortable with you.

When I finally get around to organizing my horrible New England suburb’s first annual town orgy, I am definitely going to try to have some scientists involved to observe and report the apparently inevitable irrational complaints of the locals.


#9

I’m more concerned with the fact that every female’s butt isn’t a taboo. But uncle, male cousin, male acquaintance and male stranger’s butts are completely off limits.

That kind of reminds me of how weirded out I get when I see strangers paw at pregnant women’s bellies. It like people think women are somehow communal property. It’s so not okay. I mean at least ask first. I see so many people just touch a pregnant stranger’s belly like it’s no big deal. I don’t know what it’s like to be pregnant. I’m a dude, but if strangers walked up to me and touched me like that, I’d be sick of it by the second time it happened, and severely chewing people out would be my go-to the first time it happened.


#10

So… Can I do catering?


#11

I would certainly hope so!


#12

Mostly what I’m taking from this is that women don’t like being touched on the vag by their cousins, but are somewhat less bothered if an acquaintance does it


#13

For me, intimacy occurs after a trial period of someone’s brain. It doesn’t matter if they are like me or unlike me, I just need to feel safe.

Even after the short time we’ve known each other on the 'tubes, if we met in real life I’d give you a bear hug. You are consistent, constant, and respectful. Which are things I highly value.


#14

Just strangers?

I’d really rather not be hugged by pretty much anyone, really.

A stranger? A handshake, if you really insist.

I’m not a people person.


#15

Pretty much everyone.


#16

Here’s the page for the actual study, which goes into more detail than the article.

Personally, I am rather concerned that the organization is called “PNAS”…


#17

Bingo.


#18

This is true. If my cousin touched my vag i would be freaked the fuck out.
If one of my friends did it … meh, it would depend on the circumstances and who. Family members don’t get to touch the junk!!


#19

God, why would you kiss strangers, even on the cheek, what sort of terrible culture is that. You might as well just go ahead and ritualistically rub your genitals together for maximum disease transfer and do some butt sniffing while you’re at it.

For close acquaintances, okay, that’s not my thing but it’s understandable.


#20

Haven’t there been quite a few studies that seem to indicate that cultures/groups that engage in higher levels of physical contact trend towards less depression and loneliness? I don’t necessarily want to glom onto every passing stranger but I think it’s good for us social animals to get a certain amount of daily human contact.

Anecdotally, when I went off to college as a young introvert I suffered the better part of a year with little human contact and social interaction. I clearly remember the sad realization I had one day that no one had touched me…at all…for months. Obviously there was more going on there than just our human contact averse culture but I believe it compounded the situation.