Now as president of this fine college
I’d like to announce we’ve reached our goal
There’s money in the bank and we’ve doubled enrollment
Since last year when we won the Banana Bowl
So it gives me joy to announce new projects
For the better education of all our youth
Seventeen new sports and a Super Dome fieldhouse
And a visitors’ athletic information booth
We’re dropping our English and Science departments
They didn’t do well in the latest poll
Ninety-two percent of our enrollment
Say they’re here to drink beer and cheer the Banana Bowl
Funds for these additions will come from dropping
Some obsolete courses that are moving slow
Like basic History and Economics
And other things not filmed for the TV halftime show
We’d like to thank sophomore John Rotgut
All American for what he’s done
And announce him as new dean of the college
Don’t turn pro till you’ve got an education, son
May I introduce three brand new members
Of our resident faculty
They’ll teach First Aid and Social Graces
And still be sportscasters on network TV
We’re dropping our English and Science departments
They didn’t do well in the latest poll
Ninety-two percent of our enrollment
Say they’re here to drink beer and cheer the Banana Bowl
Well, we’re going to have a big brand new Coliseum
Yeah, and two backup marching bands
Twelve acres of asphalt for additional parking
On the site where the library now stands
The other day we rented the top floor of the Hilton
Six Cadillacs and a villa on the Bay
Just a tiny way of saying welcome
To them investigators from the NCAA
We’re dropping our English and Science departments
They didn’t do well in the latest poll
Ninety-two percent of our enrollment
Say they’re here to drink beer and cheer the Banana Bowl
(An old Doctor Demento classic. Couldn’t find a video for it.)
