Why should the dead be denied a party? Like @rocketpj below I will likely have my ashes spread somewhere. I would love regular parties to be a thing there.
Let they who have never had a beer in a graveyard cast the first stone.
They’re just getting traditional. Memorial parks used to be the common social space. Actual graveyards were just the place for some picnicking and badminton.
The graveyard’s old enough that if the tenants had something to say, they might ask “Hey, how come noone comes to party anymore?”
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Why do you assume they want peace? Why do you assume that if the dead have any feelings on the subject at all, they wouldn’t enjoy having a party? I mean, they have laid in that grave since the 1700’s, with a lot of mourning at first, then a bit of relevance, and now- nothing. No mourners, no lamentations, perhaps once a year a priest comes by and offers a generic prayer.
But now a bunch of people come and party; and likely read the name, wonder what they were like, and include them in their party. Not like people in the 17th century didn’t like beer, not like people in the 17th century didn’t like to party. They name will be said again. What little information is available on them - their name, their birth and death dates, perhaps their relationships with other people who are next to them- will be read and said and remembered by the living for a few more years.
I hope that in 400 years… to still be partying up top on the graveyard. But alas, the singularity does not seem to be approaching soon enough; so I hope someone clears off my tomb stone every now and then, reads my name, knows that I loved my wife very, very much, and hoists a beer in my honor.
Let’s be honest here: the main reason Americans have the whole anti-anything in the graveyard opinion is because we are afraid of ghosts; the fear is that the more energy you pump into the graveyard, the worse the ghosts are going to be. And because of that we cut the dead out from our society, we pretend they don’t exist; we burry them then plow them under and cut ourselves off from our history and ancestors.
This fear of the dead is not a part of Christianity. In many parts of the world, Christians do ancestor reverence and inclusion; the Day of the Dead is not as big of an exception as our absolute fear of graveyards is. And remember, the whole “drinking and having fun” is a sin bit is not something that Catholics or CoE people do, that is a very, very new American Christian idea. (Methodists were against alcohol not because it was a sin, but because some people have problems with alcohol, so they wanted to help people who didn’t drink have a church where drinking was not encouraged, and they could be part of the community. There are churches that came after them who use alcohol use as part of the sin to control people.)
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I think this is silly. Funerals aren’t for the dead - they are for the living. And so are cemeteries.
I often go to cemeteries instead of parks because they are quieter, especially during covid (Fresh air, no randos). But having a gathering there - with our with out having a deceased ancestor - shouldn’t be considered bad. By all means, have a party at my grave. Make out with someone. Live life while you can. *
- Be mindful. and respectful not to mess anything up, and if you notice a newer grave, one more likely to have visitors, avoid it. And don’t drink too much. We don’t need Nick Cage levels of drunkenness.
I don’t think your great grandparents died in 1750. What is or isn’t respect is entirely constructed. You think it is disrespectful to drink beer in a place where someone was buried 270 years ago, I don’t.
If you decide you are showing respect for someone who died 270 years ago you are doing it for yourself not for them or for anyone else.
I’m sure my great grandparents didn’t die in 1750 but I have ancestors who did. Generally though I think it’s better to err on the side of what the people around you might think is disrespectful. I consider cat calls to be disrespectful for instance. I know other people do as well. Even if I didn’t see what the problem was, it would be enough for me to have an understanding that it’s offensive to other people. Same thing with playing loud music at 2am or using someone’s tomb stone as a picnic table. Once you know it bothers other people, doing it anyway is a decision to be a jerk.
All manners are constructed and subjective. I’ve never considered that a good excuse not to have any.
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