Police interrupt exorcism at Home Depot

Originally published at: Police interrupt exorcism at Home Depot | Boing Boing

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“You only moved the SKUs!”

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It’s not that easy to get rid of an evil spirit of the woods.

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Sounds like classic infringement of religious liberty rights.

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Private property, so nope.

That being said, they are risking some major blowback by interrupting the exorcism part way through. If that Home Depot starts having random fatal accidents they might consider calling back the ‘exorcists’ to finish the job.

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I can think of no better justice for Home Depot.

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Poor saps.

Here’s the article since @pesco seems to have forgotten to include the link…

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Do you want Groots? Because this is how you get Groots!

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Treebeard

Let’s not be…

… hasty to judge.

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They have been with us a long time.
They will outlast the elms.
Our eyes, like the eyes of a savage sieving the trees
In his search for game,
Run through them. They blend along small-town streets
Like a race of giants that have faded into mere mythology.
Our eyes, washed clean of belief,
Lift incredulous to their fearsome crowns of bolts, trusses,
struts, nuts, insulators, and such
Barnacles as compose
These weathered encrustations of electrical debris¬
Each a Gorgon’s head, which, seized right,
Could stun us to stone.

Yet they are ours. We made them.
See here, where the cleats of linemen
Have roughened a second bark
Onto the bald trunk. And these spikes
Have been driven sideways at intervals handy for human legs.
The Nature of our construction is in every way
A better fit than the Nature it displaces
What other tree can you climb where the birds’ twitter,
Unscrambled, is English? True, their thin shade is negligible,
But then again there is not that tragic autumnal
Casting-off of leaves to outface annually.
These giants are more constant than evergreens
By being never green.

– John Updike, Telephone Poles

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I wonder if there is a website that ranks article titles? This would be very near the top of the list of “shortest titles with most to unpack”.

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Somebody please 'shop that post photo with subtle B/W HD signage. :pray:

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I was a campaigner who created the “dead rainforest tour” mapping dozens of products containing unsustainably harvested tropical wood throughout the stores. When a well known enviro group wanted to turn their sites to an auto manufacturer, we persuaded them to stick with this one, leading to an agreement with a stronger commitment by HD to embrace Forest Stewardship Council (FSC) processes (which are themselves, it is strongly argued, flawed, but “at least it was something” - we were not at the negotiating table ourselves).

An exorcism for trees would not have been the first crazy ceremony in store. We learned from employees who submitted anonymously to HomeDepotSucks.com (if that site resolves, we no longer have anything to do with it) that, prior to each store’s grand opening, they would hold a mock funeral/murder of the local mom and pop hardware stores or any other competition in the neighborhood which they intend to kill.

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Someone has started on a film about haunted lumber at a local “home center” (because they’d never get permission to use Home Depot in the title) right? And Norm Abram will make an appearance? Right? Guys? RIGHT?

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looks at headline

#include “image-memes/2021-bingo-card.h”

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