Portsmouth Middle School warns parents about Smartie-snorting epidemic and the risk of nasal maggots




oh, so refined sugar IS the real gateway drug. who knew?


Note that this refers to the American version of Smarties.

British Smarties, which closely resemble M&Ms, are perfectly safe to snort.


Well, if there wasn’t a Smartie-snorting epidemic, there is now.


“Watch me freak out the school counselor. She’ll believe ANYTHING I say if it’s about drugs or sex. Remember when I told her about Jenkem? Or the sex bracelets?”


South County RI: The florida of new england


Of course, all of these warnings are just going to make reckless youth want to snort Smarties even more.

They’ll work the warnings into their teen-lingo. Parents, teachers, and pastors should note use of terms like “Maggot Me, my Homie!” which could mean “Provide me with a hit of Smartie dust, friend!”

“Razor tube” could refer to a rolled up dollar bill, not a tool used for wholesome pastimes such as building model airplanes.


I find this whole fad highly suspicious.

As far as I know, Smarties are only sold around Halloween, to give cheap-skate homeowners something to give out.

They’re second to last candy that Trick-or-Treaters consume. (Jolly Ranchers are the very last.)

So: You just gotta know that the manufacturer of Smarties planted this rumor.


Typical school hysteria.


Back in the day, it was Pop Rocks. A clean, if Rice Krispies-like experience in your sinus cavity. No imagined maggot danger. Portsmouth, get over it… kids do stupid $#!+ and YouTube has ample evidence of that.


Next you know they’ll be using vodka soaked tampons.


Thats not a smartie, this is a smartie:


Smarties in the US are made with dextrose. A pretender that is literally half the sugar that sucrose is… If they were still made out of sugar, I might be snorting them.

I’m wondering if nose maggots would help keep my sinus cavities clear or if they would simply add to the mucosal mess?

Edit: Nevermind – nope, nope, nope


Portsmouth isn’t in South County. And you think South County is Florida because beaches?


Swamp Yankees FTW - I was married to one…

(and despite local colloquialisms, there’s no “South County” proper… Would Newport County be included in there, anyway?)


Aquidneck Island is its own little world.


Nope, those are ROCKETS.


Those look like the Smarties I remember Smarties

Edit: “Smarties” are called “Rockets” in Canada?


Non-existent risk. Hysteria.

The super should be encouraged to retire.

Now if he warned about those Mickey & Stars tattoo blotter acids that were being found willy-nilly everywhere, then…


Not at all - they’re available in my office candy jar even as we speak… er… type. But I personally prefer NECCO.