Portsmouth Middle School warns parents about Smartie-snorting epidemic and the risk of nasal maggots


#1

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#2

oh, so refined sugar IS the real gateway drug. who knew?


#3

Note that this refers to the American version of Smarties.

British Smarties, which closely resemble M&Ms, are perfectly safe to snort.


#4

Well, if there wasn't a Smartie-snorting epidemic, there is now.


#5

"Watch me freak out the school counselor. She'll believe ANYTHING I say if it's about drugs or sex. Remember when I told her about Jenkem? Or the sex bracelets?"


#6

South County RI: The florida of new england


#7

Of course, all of these warnings are just going to make reckless youth want to snort Smarties even more.

They'll work the warnings into their teen-lingo. Parents, teachers, and pastors should note use of terms like "Maggot Me, my Homie!" which could mean "Provide me with a hit of Smartie dust, friend!"

"Razor tube" could refer to a rolled up dollar bill, not a tool used for wholesome pastimes such as building model airplanes.


#8

I find this whole fad highly suspicious.

As far as I know, Smarties are only sold around Halloween, to give cheap-skate homeowners something to give out.

They're second to last candy that Trick-or-Treaters consume. (Jolly Ranchers are the very last.)

So: You just gotta know that the manufacturer of Smarties planted this rumor.


#9

Typical school hysteria.


#10

Back in the day, it was Pop Rocks. A clean, if Rice Krispies-like experience in your sinus cavity. No imagined maggot danger. Portsmouth, get over it... kids do stupid $#!+ and YouTube has ample evidence of that.


#11

Next you know they'll be using vodka soaked tampons.


#12

Thats not a smartie, this is a smartie:


#13

Smarties in the US are made with dextrose. A pretender that is literally half the sugar that sucrose is... If they were still made out of sugar, I might be snorting them.

I'm wondering if nose maggots would help keep my sinus cavities clear or if they would simply add to the mucosal mess?

Edit: Nevermind -- nope, nope, nope


#14

Portsmouth isn't in South County. And you think South County is Florida because beaches?


#15

Swamp Yankees FTW - I was married to one...

(and despite local colloquialisms, there's no "South County" proper... Would Newport County be included in there, anyway?)


#16

Aquidneck Island is its own little world.


#17

Nope, those are ROCKETS.


#18

Those look like the Smarties I remember Smarties

Edit: "Smarties" are called "Rockets" in Canada?


#19

Non-existent risk. Hysteria.

The super should be encouraged to retire.

Now if he warned about those Mickey & Stars tattoo blotter acids that were being found willy-nilly everywhere, then....


#20

Not at all - they're available in my office candy jar even as we speak... er... type. But I personally prefer NECCO.