Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/10/30/the-official-2019-candy-hierar.html
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No Mars bars, no life.
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The list is wrong from jump.
Full sized candy bars are not good Halloween candy. A full sized Snicker’s bar (or bag of M&Ms, or whatever) is objectively worse than the equivalent mass of bite-sized Snicker’s bars, because the beauty of bite-sized individually wrapped candy is being able to ruin your body by jumping between all the different kinds.
A full-sized bar is too much of one thing at a time and throws off the delicate balance that consuming 20k calories of candy in a day requires.
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Holy hell. People have too much time on their hands.
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I have acquired an intolerance for chocolate late in life, which really upsets the balance here. I have to go more than a dozen lines down to get to /anything/ without chocolate (skittles), and I’m way down on item 28 before I get to something that I would actually eat on purpose (swedish fish). Also, as far as I can tell caramel-based candies and non-fruit-flavored taffy (e.g. peanut-butter kisses) are nowhere to be found.
Throw some nut rolls or chick-o-sticks in those bags and you’ll make a lot of enemies but a very, very small number of friends for life.
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We give out Palmer CREEPY PEEPERS.
All the kids remember us because no one else has them. They are not available locally because “Big Candy” pushed them out.
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Hated those with a passion and Hershey’s kisses for the same reason. The foil wrapping was such a pain in the ass to get off to get to the cheap chocolate inside. It always ends up as candy + oversized fingerprint
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I think I was prompted to post CREEPY PEEPERS because they are not even on the list. And they are so appropriate for Halloween.
Also they have 3 different fillings inside. They are not cheap milk chocolate balls. They’re actually pretty good.
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Vicodin?
That was a joke from Z-Nation.
I am legitimately scared of this one because I once had to wrestle away from my 4 year old son a dropped “bag of candy” that a local drug dealer in my building had accidentally let fall out of his pocket onto the floor.
I was lucky. My daughter now has already been informed of my sweet tooth, and has private secret stashes around the apartment that I only occasionally find. If she had found it, it would have been an ambulance trip before I would have heard about it.
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Candy Corn is too high.
In fact, it shouldn’t even be on the list. Those things are worse than Peeps.
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Disagree. There will never be a bigger thrill than getting a full size bar. Even if you don’t like that particular one. It’s like winning a car, any car. You’ve still won a car!
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The Internet welcomes you! Would you like to view 8,432,523, 992 pictures of cats?
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If you are here reading this and typing out replies, you by definition have too much time on your hands. As do I. (Yeah, yeah, “typing”, get off my lawn.)
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Its not the insides which annoy me. Its the wrapping. Foil on chocolate = messy fingers
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But you don’t have to pay tax on the car. You just get the car, no questions asked.
Unlike a car, your older sibling might try to steal it from you*.
*May depend on your older sibling and their fondness for cars that aren’t theirs.
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“Anonymous brown glob in orange or black wrappers” is NOT a Mary Jane, which is a hard-as-hell tiny rectangle of chewy peanut butter, emphasis on the hard. Those orange and black wrapped globs are peanut butter kisses, sometimes hard as hell if they were saved from year-to-year for treating. We had a neighbor who did this when I was growing up. Blegh.
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I just was never much of a candy person growing up, even the chocolate bars. I do love chocolate but i just don’t snack on candy, i’m more of a savory food lover in general. Basically Halloween was a great holiday because i loved dressing up, seeing what other people dressed up as, how people decorated their houses, and spending time with my friends. Collecting the candy was part of the process but eating it was wholly unimportant and often sat untouched in the bag in a drawer until the next year’s Halloween.
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Nutty Buddy? Make it so.
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