Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/07/11/prankster-repeatedly-hijacking.html
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When I was in middle school, I was selected for a ‘nerd camp’ where kids could take mini courses at a local college during the summer and stay in the dorms. Lots of fun, neat little classes. One that I took was at the campus radio station, where we learned about radio, DJ’ing, recording, and all sorts of audio things. At the end we got into teams and were each given one hour to DJ the campus radio station with free access to their vinyl library.
Pro tip: do not let 14 year old boys run a radio station unsupervised.
We started by playing “This Is Penis” by Longfellow:
When we were told halfway through that song that none of our other selections – songs we’d found about masturbation, condoms, and butts – were appropriate, we played “We Built This City” by Starship on repeat for an hour.
So much for my young DJ career.
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masturbation ditty
good name for a band.
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90’s followup.
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What a wanker.
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As the FCC has repeatedly diminished itself I’m surprised that the ham radio community hasn’t been harassed by rogue operators.
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The article has very little useful technical information. Is the prankster just playing transmitter on 103.2 and overriding its signal in a neighborhood, or is he/she getting into the uplink to the station’s legit transmitter and injecting the naughty tunes there?
There was a case in the eighties of a prankster transmitting a signal into one of the BBC network feed receivers just as they were signing off for the night, and getting their stuff played by dozens of radio stations.
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There is also “roughing up the suspect” as another colourful euphemism
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That sounds like a great camp program!!!
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It was! Kind of mind-blowing for a bookish middle school kid to spend two weeks on an actual college campus with other dorky nerds. I remember mini-courses on archeology, engineering (building a bridge out of sticks, egg-drop trials), painting, snorkeling, creative writing, and a super cool class in biofeedback & meditation.
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You monster!
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“this is the frightening thing”
I would have said, this is the annoying thing, myself.
Yeah, that’s what it sounds like.
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What’s actually frightening is that someone who works for a broadcaster knows so little about how radio works.
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It has. We get people playing music over our repeater regularly
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“The Winker’s Song”? I do not believe that’s how you spell “wanker.”
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As best stated by Sean Connery, “We Built Thish Shitty”. **
**(Connery first trained for the stage, where sibilants are pronounced as “sh” to make them clearer to the audience.)
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The album it is from (a classic IMHO) is called “The Winker’s Album” and the song is “The Winker’s Song (misprint)”
“… and it does you good, like it bloody well should.”
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OMG, the list is endless, (not mine originally, possibly NSFW).
3 man show
A big date with Rosy Palms
A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
Abusing the wicked stick
Accosting the Oscar Meyer
Addressing MrPalmer
Adjusting the antenna
Adjusting your set
Aiding and abetting a known felon
Answer the bone-a-phone
Applying the hand brake
Appropriate the means
Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Arm aerobics
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
Assault on a friendly weapon
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Attending to the throb knob needs
Auditioning the hand puppet
Backstroke roulette
Badgering the witness
Baiting your hook
Ball off
Ball slappin’ fun
Bangin’ your bacon
Banging one out
Banging the Cyclops
Barking up the wrong tree
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Bashing the Bishop
Bashing the pear
Basting the ham
Batting practice
Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
Battling the purple-helmet warrior
Be your own best friend
Beat off
Beat Pete
Beat the Bishop
Beat the Bologna
Beat the Butter
Beat the Dummy
Beat the Meat
Beat the Stick
Beat up your date
Beat your hog
Beat your meat like it owes you money
Beatin’ Bobby
Beating Bob and the twins
Beating Jack
Beating off
Beating the bait
Beating the balloon
Beating the balogna
Beating the beagle
Beating the bed flute
Beating the bishop
Beating the dummy
Beating the fuck out of your best friend
Beating the goat
Beating the old man
Beating the pud
Beating the fuck out of your incapacitated midget
Beating the snake
Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
Beating the stick
Beating your meat
Beef tips stroking off
Beef-stroke-it-off
Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
Being rough with the sex stick
Being your own best friend
Belaboring the obvious
Belt your hog
Bequeath your genes
Beta testing your hardware
Biffing off
Bitch-Slapping the Dark Knight
Blanket drill, The
Bleed the lizard
Bleed the weed
Blessing the alter boy
Bloating the vein
Blow Your load
Blow your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Blueball baseball
Blue-ball buster
Bob the hog
Bombing the German helmut
Bonging your shlong
Booting up the hard drive
Bop the boa
Bop the bonzo
Bop the hog
Bopping Richard
Bopping the bishop
Bopping the Bonzo
Bouncing the bunny
Box the Jesuit
Box with Richard
Boxin the Ballsack
Boxin’ the Bozak
Boxing Oscar
Boxing Oscar in the closet
Boxing the bald champ
Boxing the clown
Boxing the Jesuit
Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
Boxing the one-eyed clown
Boxing the trouser mouse
Boxing with Richard
Break one off
Burping private ryan
Breaking the fish tank
Bringing MrWeasel back from the dead
Brushing up on your typing skills
Buck the bone
Buckin’ it
Buff the banana
Buff the mushroom
Buff the wood
Buffin’ the bishop
Buffing my wand
Buffing the rifle
Buffing your nuts
Bugger your hand
Buggering your hand
Building upper-body strength
Bunning your hot dog
Burning off a few calories
Burp the baby
Burp the baldman
Burp the worm
Bust a nut
Butter the corn
Cajun clown fucking
Calling all cum
Calling down for more mayo
Calling genie
Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
Calling in the secret service
Caning the vandal
Caping the crusader
Capturing the bishop
Carrying weight
Cast off
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Chafing the weasel
Changing your oil
Charge the rod
Charging the Inertial Dampeners
Charging up the main gun
Charm the cobra
Charm the serpent/snake
Charming the cobra
Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
Cheap date
Cheating on your other hand
Check for testicular cancer
Checking for testicular cancer
Checking the plumbing
Cheese off
Chicken milking
Chilling the dill
Chipping wood
Choke Charlie ‘till he chunders
Choke Kojak
Choke the bishop
Choke the chicken
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choking Charlie ‘till he throws up
Choking the bald guy until he pukes
Choking the chicken
Choking the hog
Choking the pirate
Choking up on the bat
Choking your chicken
Choking yourself into emission
Chong your schlong
Chopping down
Chucking the yogurt
Churning butter
Civil War
Clamp the pipe
Clean your pipes
Clean Your Rifle
Cleaning out the rope
Cleaning out your account
Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
Clear the snorkel
Climb the tree
Climbing Mount Baldy
Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
Climbing the corporate ladder
Clobbering the bad guy
Clobbering the Kleenex
Closet Frisbee
Closing the deal
Clubbing Eddy
Clubbing the baby seal
Clubbing the clam
Clubbing the dummy
Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
Coax the cajones
Cocking some soup
Cocking the rifle
Collecting a specimen
Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally
Combing your hair
Coming to grips with the situation
Coming to grips with yourself
Committing mass spermicide
Communicating with Red Leader One
Communing with nature
Conjuring Up A Rain Slicker
Conking the Cardinal
Consulting with your silent partner
Converse with Harry Palm
Cooking the cream of fuck
Cooking with Wong
Corral your tadpole
Corralling the tadpoles
Cough your filthy yogurt
Crab tease
Crack off a batch
Cracking off
Cracking the bat
Cracking the fat
Crank the love pump
Crank the Shank
Crank yanking
Cranking
Cranking for cum
Cranking one off
Cranking the monkey
Cranking the shank
Creaming the banana
Crimp the wire
Cross-Examing the Witness
Crown the king
Crushing pop cans in the dark
Cuddle the kielbasa
Cuff the carrot
Cuff the governor
Cuffing the dummy
Cuffing the puppy
Culture the American Blood Sausage
Custer’s Last Stand
Daisy-chaining
Dancing in the dragon’s fiery breath
Dancing round the maypole
Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Date Palmala Handerson
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
Debating the Albino Newt
Debugging the hard drive
Decongesting the weasel
Defrosting the fridge
Detoxifying the puppy
Devil’s handshake
Dick whacking
Diddle
Diddle whacking
Diddle yourself
Diddling the dinky
Digging for change
Digital penile oscillation
Digitally oscillating one’s penis
Dilly with the willy
Dinging the dong
Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
Discipline your soldier
Disciplining the primate
Discovering your own potential
Discussing Uganda
Dishonorable discharge
Disobey the Pope
Disseminating
Distributing free literature
Do handiwork
Do it your way
Do the Dew
Do the janitor thing
Do the white knuckler
Dogger Bank
Doin’ a loner with your boner
Doin’ extra credit
Doin’ the Hand Jive
Doin’ the solitary rhumba
Doing a hand job
Doing an impression of Goofy
Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
Doing it your way
Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
Doing the hand jive
Doing the hand-cooter
Doing the janitor thing
Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol’ piss pump
Doing the plotkin
Doing the pork sword jiggle
Doing the sin of Onan
Doing the Skin Limbo
Doing the White Knuckler
Doing your homework
Doing your own thing
Dong flogging
Donkey Spank
Doodle your noodle
Downing at the club (for members only)
Downing the pitcher
Downloading from your own website
Dra en handtralla
Drain Charle’s Dickens
Drain the dragon
Drain the monster
Drain the vein
Draining the dragon
Draining the main vein
Draining the monster
Draining the one-eyed monster
Draining the poisons from the building
Draining the vats
Drip the pickle
Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
Driving the skin bus
Drizzle the squid
Drop off a load
Droppin’ a wad of hot wax
Dropping a line
Dropping stomach pancakes
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Drubbing the dolphin
Dry humping the ottoman
Dry-Firing the Turtle
Dry-firing your musket
Duking the Bishop
Dundering the devil-dolphin
Dunking the dolphin
Dusting the old trophy
Eating grapes with the one-armed man
Eberting Siskel
Educating Peter
Electing the President
Empty the cannon
Emptying your sex pistol
Encapsulate your probe
Engage in safe sex
Erupting Vesuvius
Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
Evacuating Tatooine
Evacuating the Bomb Squad
Evicting the testicular squatters
Excercise your rights
Exercise one’s right
Exercising your right to privacy
Express yourself
Extracting some crack spackle
Facha la manuela
Falling in love with your right hand
Fapping
Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
Faxing Jimmy Dean
Faxing the Pope
Feed the ducks
Feed the fist
Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
Feeding the chooks
Feeling your way around
Fencing with the pork sword
Fertilizing My Comforter
Fetch the bagel dog
Fetching milk
Fiddle the flesh flute
Fidget with your digit
Fight the Champ
Fight your turkey
Filling Charlie’s magic sock
Finding yourself
Fire the hand cannon
Fire the Surgeon General
Fire the wobbly warhead
Firing off a round
Firing the flesh musket
Firing the love rifle
Firing the pound gun
Firing the presidential staff
Firing the Surgeon General
Firm your worm
Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
Fishing for zipper trout
Fishing with dynamite
Fist Fuck
Fist kebabing
Fist of fury
Fist your mister
Fist Your Monster
Five knuckle olympics
Five knuckle shuffle
Five on one
Five-Digit Shuffle
Five-finger discount
Five-finger solo
Five-knuckle chuckle
Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
Fixing the Hubble
Fixing the toilet
Flail the whale
Flame out on engine #3
Flanking the Romans
Flaying the Emperor
Flick on over the thumb
Flicking the bic
Fling your phallus
Flipping the Bishop
Flipping your omelet
Flog the bishop
Flog the Dog
Flog the dolphin
Flog the dong
Flog the log
Flog the mule
Flog yourself
Flogging the Bishop
Flogging the dong
Flogging the egg man
Flogging the frog
Flogging the General
Flogging your dumber brother
Flogging your stob
Flong your dong
Fluffing the pillow
Flute solo
Fly fishing
Flying a kite
Following my bliss
Fondle the Fig
Fondle your flagpole
Fondling the ferret
Fondling the fig
Fondling the fisherman
Fooling with your tool
Forcing Lex Luthor To Surrender
Foreplay with Fistina
Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in ‘Nam)
Fragging the Sarge
Free Willy
Freeing the hostages
Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool
Friction therapy
Frig yourself
Frigging the love muscle
Friggit
Frost the pastries
Frosting your maple bar
Frugeling the gourmet
Frying up the corndog
Fucking Mary Fist
Fucking a pillow
Fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
Fun with friction
Gallop the Antelope
Gallop the old lizard
Ganging the plank
Ganking
Gardening with the golden trowel
Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
Get a hold of yourself
Get the German soldier marching
Get to know yourself
Get your nuts off
Get your pole varnished
Gettin’ jizzy with it
Getting a date with Slick Mittens
Getting a grip on things
Getting a load off my mind
Getting a milk mustache
Getting a stiffy
Getting busy
Getting chafed
Getting in touch with your manhood
Getting in touch with yourself
Getting My Boys Ready For the Playoffs
Getting off
Getting tennis elbow
Getting the dirty water off your chest
Getting the German soldier marching
Getting the glue stick
Getting to know Miss Michigan
Getting to know yourself
Getting your caps peeled
Getting your exercise
Getting’ your oil checked
Getting your palm read by Mister Softee
Getting your palm red
Getting your pole varnished
Gherkin jerkin’
Give it a tug
Give your low five
Givin’ the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter noogie
Giving it a tug
Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
Giving oneself a “low-five”
Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money
Giving the John Hancock
Giving the pink Mustang a lube job
Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
Giving the seamen shore leave
Giving your employee a raise
Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge
Giving yourself a hand
Giving yourself a happy ending
Giving yourself a helping hand
Giving yourself a low five
Glazing the donut
Gluing the lady’s eye’s shut
Go a couple of rounds with ol’ Josh
Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Go the blow
Going a couple of rounds with ol’ Josh
Going blind
Going for the gold
Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
Going on Peewee’s little adventure
Going steady with my bouncing Betty
Going the blow
Going To An Open-Mic
Going to the basement
Goose the gherkin
Grappling the gorilla
Greasin’ up my love monkey
Greasing the axle
Greasing the flagpole
Greasing the monkey
Greasing the pipe
Greasing your bone
Grip your dip
Gripping the pencil
Grooming your junior
Hacerse la manuela
Hacerse la paja
Hack off
Hacking the hog
Ham shank
Han Solo
Hand crank
Hand dancing
Hand jive
Hand job
Hand Shandy
Hand Solo
Hand to gland combat
Hand to hand combat with the purple helmeted warrior
Hand work
Handle yourself
Handling heavy equipment
Handling the hound
Hands-on training
Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
Hand-to-gland combat
Handy work
Hanging out with Peter Tork
Hanging the old man
Hard labor
Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
Hatchin’ a batch
Have it off
Have It Off
Have one off the wrist
Having a ball
Having a Barclays Bank
Having a bat
Having a chuff
Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
Having a date with Fisty Palmer
Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Having a ham shank
Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it’s rhyming slang)
Having a one-night-stand with yourself
Having a play date with your little friend
Having a pull
Having a puppet show in your pants
Having a Roy (Australian)
Having a Sherman (British)
Having a staff meeting
Having a tommy tank
Having a tug
Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
Having a whack attack
Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Having dinner
Having group sex with five friends
Having it off
Having one off the wrist
Having sex with someone you love
Heating up the hot dog
Heaving the heathen handhold
Helping Mr. Happy
Helping put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college
Helping the python shed its skin
Herkin the Gherkin
Hit on Rosy Palm
Hit the ham
Hitchhike to heaven
Hitchhiking under the Big Top
Hitching to heaven
Hittin’ the wood
Hitting the ham
Hitting the sack
Hitting the speedbump
Hitting too close to home
Hoisting the flag
Hoisting your own petard
Hold the bishop
Hold the bold
Hold the mayo
Hold the sausage hostage
Holding all the cards
Holding my own
Holding your sausage hostage
Hone the cone
Hone your bone
Honing the cone
Honing your bone
Honk your horn
Honking the bobo
Hosing down the driveway
Hotdog-a-rama
Hotfooting it to the nearest exit
Huffing on the hoagie
Hug the hog
Hugging the hog
Hump the horn
Hump your fist
Hump your hose
Humpin’ air
Humping your fist
Humping your hose
Huskin’ corn
Ignite the Lightsaber
In the hand
Infiltrate your crabs
Innoculate the newborn
Interrogating the witness
Introducing the Master of Ceremonies
Investing in pork bellies
Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell
Irking the dude
Ironing some wrinkles
Ironing some wrinkles
J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
Jack hammer
Jack hammering
Jack off
Jack the corn
Jack the joystick
Jack the sack
Jack your Jizz
Jack your monkey
Jack yourself
Jackhammer
Jackin’
Jackin’ the Beanstalk
Jacking off
Jacking up the hot rod
Jack’n the beanstalk
Jag off
Jalarle el pescuezo al ganso
Jam the joystick
Jammin’ your jimmy
Jazz yourself
Jazzing yourself
Jelly roll
Jenny Mccarthy Jaunt
Jerk Jamby
Jerk Off
Jerk the gherkin
Jerk the Johnson
Jerk the Turk
Jerk your rope
Jerkin’ the gherkin
Jerkin’ the jerky
Jerkin’ the joystick
Jerkin’ the noodle
Jerkin’ the wheel
Jerkin’ your beef
Jerking Jamby
Jerking off
Jerking the Johnson
Jerking the turkey
Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
Jibbin’
Jiggle the jewelry
Jiggling the dice
Jiggling your Johnson
Jimmying your Joey
Jizzlobbing
Jogging the lizard
Joining the Navy
Joshing it
Jostlin’ the Elders
Jostling your Elder
Juggling the javelin
Juice the Moose
Juice your fruit
Juicing the Banana
Juicing the jizz monster
Juicing the mongoose
Jumping the jock
Jumping to Delight Speed
Just combing my hair
Just jerkin’ it
Keep the census down
Keeping the Optometrists in business
Kick one out
Kicking seamen
Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to “call your parents”
Kill the Pope
Killing it
Killing the Beast
Killing the bird on punches
Kneading my knockwurst
Kneeding the bread
Knock on wood
Knock the top off
Knockin’ over the weeble
Knuckle nobbing
Knuckle shuffle
Knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump
Knuckling the bone
Lap-based web browsingrowsing
Lash the length
Launching a Jism Probe into the Tissue Nebula?
Launching My spawn
Launching the hand shuttle
Launching the morning missile
Launching the rocket
Launching the Tadpoles
Laying the smack down on yourself
Leakin’ the main drain
Left to your own devices
Lehavi Bayad
Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
Letting the cat out of the bag
Lightening the load
Lighting the candle
Lighting the lava lamp
Lighting Up the Tote Board
Lightsaber practice with Captain Solo
Liquidating the inventory
Little pinky hit the slinky
Living by the fat of the hand
Living it up
Loading from CMOS?
Loading the cannon
Locking the bathroom door
Locking your roommate out so you can call your parents
Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne
Looking for ticks
Lope the mule
Lope the pork sword
Loping your mule
Love the Muppet
Love’s labors lost
Loving the lizard
Loving the muppet
Lube the cord
Lubing the tube
Lubricating the love monkey
Lynching the one-eyed monster
Make a foreskin cone
Make instant pudding
Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie
Make one-eye cry
Make silly with the willy
Make the bald man puke
Makin’ gravy for the biscuit
Makin’ moonshine
Making a cash withdrawal
Making a fist sandwich
Making a foreskin cone
Making a knuckle hot dog
Making a six-fist
Making chowder with sailor Ned
Making free hand lotion
Making friends with Big Ed
Making instant pudding
Making it up as you go along
Making magic with leftovers
Making nut butter
Making oyster soup
Making pancakes on your stomach
Making Septic Tank Babies
Making soup
Making soup for one
Making special sauce with frank and beans
Making the bald guy puke
Making the bald man cry
Making the bread rise
Making the Cyclops cry
Making the cyclops do chin-ups ‘til he throws up
Making the Kessel Run
Making the llama spit
Making the piggy squeal
Making the scene with the magazine
Making the world safe for democracy
Making vanilla jism shakes
Making wall-paper paste
Making with the tadpoles
Making yogurt
Mangle the midget
Manhandling the manhood
Manhandling your man-handle
Manipulate the mango
Manipulating My Machismo
Manistrupation
Mannin’ the Cannon
Manning the cockpit
Manual exercise
Manual labor
Manual override
Manual pollution
Manually assisted wet dream
Manually increasing the surface temperature of the ship’s primary cannon by repeated linear manipulation
Manually targeting the Rebel Base
Masonic secret self handshake
Massage the fireman’s neck
Massage the muscle
Massage the one-eyed monk
Massage the purple-headed warrior
Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
Massaging the mink
Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock
Maximize your potency
Measuring for condoms
Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
Medical wankorama
Medieval folk dancing
Meet MrsPalmer and her five daughters
Meet your right-hand man
Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
Meeting Rosie Hancock
Meeting with Palmala Handerson
Meeting your kids
Menage a moi
Messin’ with Moby
Milk the lizard
Milk the maggot
Milk the member
Milk the moose
Milk the self
Milking one’s self
Milking the bull
Milking the cow
Milking the lizard
Milking the monkey
Milking the moose
Milking the mule
Milking the muscle
Milking the weasel
Milking your wood
Milkywaying
Minding my own business
Mix up a batch
Modifying My .WAD
Moisturizing
Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar
Molding A Crucifix
Molding hot plastic
Molesting the mole
Mount a corporal and a four
Much goo about nothing
Muppeting
Murder the Bishop
Muscling up
Mustard on the burger
My sex life!
Nerk your throbber
Neverland Ranch puppet show
Null the void
Oil the glove
Oiling the baseball bat
Oiling the glove
Oiling the mighty dick hinge
Oiling the pogo stick
Onanism
Onan’s olympics
One gun salute
One hand clapping
One handed humpty hump love pump, The
One handed rodeo, The
One handed shim sham
One man band
One man show
One man tug-o-war
One man wrestling
One man’s game
One off the wrist
One stop shopping
One-armed skiing
One-eye target practice
One-hand jam
One-handed workout
One-legged race, The
One-man orgy
One-man ring toss
One-man show
One-man tug-o-war
Opening the flood gates
Opening up a bottle of Squirt
Organ solo
Oscillating the Oscar Meyer
Pack your palm
Packaging the ol’ sausage
Packing your palm
Paddling the pickle
Paint the ceiling
Paint the CeilingPassing math
Paint the pickle
Paint the walls
Painting the flag pole
Painting the picket fence
Painting your pants
Palm the calm
Palming the calm
Pam Anderson Polka
Pasting pages
Pat the Robertson
Paying at the turnpike
Pearl jamming
Pedal and crank
Pee Wee pleaser
Peeing children
Peel the banana
Peel the carrot
Peeling some chilis
Peeling the banana
Peeling the carrot
Perform diagnostics on your man tool
Performing A Jid Exorcism
Performing a self-test
Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
Perling the oyster
Perm your poodle
Pet the lizard
Peter beater
Petting the dog
Petting the lizard
Petting the puppy
Petting the python
Petting the silk worm
Petting the snake
Petting your animal
Petting your dog
Pipping the pumpkin
Pissing Off the Pope
Pitch a knuckle ball
Plastique-ing the egg wagon
Play a little five-on-one
Play a one-stringed guitar
Play in a one-man show
Play peek-a-boo
Play pocket pinball
Play pocket pool
Play tag with the pink torpedo
Play the organ
Play the piss pipe
Play the pisser
Play the skin flute
Play the stand-up organ
Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
Play Uno
Play with your Willy Wanker
Play with yourself
Playin’ the bone-a-thon
Playin’ with hardballs
Playing a solo on your meat whistle
Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
Playing five card stud
Playing in a one-man show
Playing it safe
Playing miniature golf
Playing Nintendo
Playing paintball with white paint
Playing peekaboo
Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
Playing ping pong with your ding dong
Playing pocket pinball
Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
Playing pocket pool
Playing soapy Peter
Playing tag with the pink torpedo
Playing the crotch trombone
Playing the fiddle
Playing the flesh flute
Playing the flesh trombone
Playing the hairy banjo
Playing the male organ
Playing the man-flute
Playing the one-handed air guitar
Playing the one-stringed melody
Playing the organ
Playing the pink oboe
Playing the piss pipe
Playing the pisser
Playing the single-string air guitar
Playing the skin flute
Playing the solo symphony
Playing the stand-up organ
Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
Playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire ‘til he flames up
Playing Uno
Playing Whack-A-Mole on the Professional Circuit?
Playing with Dick
Playing with my little brother Peter
Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends
Playing with the noodle
Playing with the pink Power Ranger
Playing with the pogo stick
Playing with the snake
Playing with the spitting llama
Playing with Yoosef
Playing with your 6th finger
Playing with your big Alien
Playing with your bird
Playing with your noodle
Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
Playing Yahtzee
Playing your instrument
Pleasure pumping
Pluckin’ your chicken
Plugging in the toaster
Plunk your twanger
Poaching the salmon
Pocket billiards
Pocket pinball
Pocket pool
Pocket the rocket
Poking palm
Pole vaulting
Polish Percy in your palm
Polish the bayonet
Polish the bishop
Polish the chrome dome
Polish the family jewels
Polish the knob
Polish the log
Polish the Oscar
Polish the pole
Polish the rocket
Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter
Polish the shooter
Polish the sword
Polish the Viper
Polish Vader’s Helmet
Polish your antlers
Polish your bayonet
Polish your horn
Polish your piece
Polishing Charlie Brown
Polishing Percy
Polishing Percy in your palm
Polishing the banister
Polishing the bayonet
Polishing the beak
Polishing the chrome dome
Polishing the family jewels
Polishing the fire pole
Polishing the helmet
Polishing the hot rod
Polishing the knob
Polishing the Lighthouse
Polishing the pink Mustang
Polishing the Pope
Polishing the purple people pleaser
Polishing the rocket
Polishing the rocking horse
Polishing the rod
Polishing the sword
Polishing your bayonet
Polishing your helmet
Polishing your piece
Popping a nut
Popping the blister
Popping the bone
Popping the cork
Popping the porpoise
Popping the purple pimple
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Popping the zit
Popping your top
Portuguese Pump
Pound off
Pound the bald-headed moose
Pound the bobo
Pound the pelican
Pound the pud
Pound the pudding
Pound your flounder
Pound your piss pump
Pound your pomegranate
Pounding off
Pounding the bald-headed moose
Pounding the pud
Pounding your flounder
Pounding your piss pump
Pouring off the potatoes
Power edging the lawn
Powersanding the Porch
Pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin
Practice the Heimlich Maneuver
Practice your Kung-Fu Grip
Practicing a water landing
Practicing For Sweeps Week
Practicing for the big game
Praising God
Preparing the carrot
Prime the pump
Prime the womb cannon
Private arm exercise
Prod the peepee
Promoting carpal-tunnel syndrome
Pud wrestling
Puddin’
Pudwhacking
Puff the one-eyed dragon
Pull off
Pull one out
Pull rank
Pull the carrot
Pull the ducks neck
Pull the goalie
Pull the pope
Pull the pud
Pull the pudding
Pull the root
Pull your own leg
Pull your prick
Pull your taffy
Pull yourself off
Pullin’ a few rounds
Pulling a solo session
Pulling on Peter
Pulling rank
Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
Pulling the bologna pony
Pulling the carrot
Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
Pulling the cord
Pulling the goalie
Pulling the handbrake
Pulling the piss pump
Pulling the pope
Pulling the pork stick
Pulling the pud
Pulling the root
Pulling the rope
Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
Pulling the String on His AssPuppet
Pulling the taffy
Pulling the weed
Pulling the wire
Pulling your goalie
Pulling your love muscle
Pulling your own leg
Pulling your own weight
Pulling your plonker
Pulling your power cord
Pulling your wire
Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap
Pummel the love truncheon
Pummeling the priest
Pump the monkey
Pump the python
Pump the stump
Pump your pickle
Pumping cream
Pumping for pleasure
Pumping for power
Pumping gas at the self-service island
Pumping iron
Pumping the electric goo gun
Pumping the porpoise
Pumping the python
Pumping the soft soap dispenser
Pumping the stump
Punch the munchkin
Punchin’ the clown
Punchin’ the midget
Punchin’ the Munchkin’
Punching the possum
Punching the stepson
Punching your puppet
Punching yourself in the crotch
Punish Percy in your palm
Punish the Harlequin
Punish the penguin
Punishing Percy
Punishing the Bishop
Punishing the Pope
Puttin’ the tie on
Putting A Little Mayo On the Knuckle Sandwich
Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
Putting your best foot forward
Putting your foot down
Putting your thumb in the porridge
Qualifying in the testicular time trial
Raining on your parade
Raise the flag
Raising Stonehenge
Raising the flag pole
Raising the mainsail
Raising your sail
Rake your meat
Ram the ham
Rapid delivery
Rapid one arm pull-ups
Raping your hand
Ravage the innocent
Read ‘em his rights
Reading poetry
Reenact Old Faithful
Releasing the hostages
Releasing the Olympic Doves
Releasing the Special Edition
Relieving tension
Relishing your hot dog
Reverse osmosis
Rewinding your tape
Ricky boxing
Ride the great white knuckler
Riding the five-legged pony
Riding the lightning
Ringing for the elevator
Ringing the bell
Rippin’ the rocket
Rob the knob
Rocket piloting
Rockin’ the rhubarb
Rockin’ the rooster
Rolfing the piglet
Roll your own
Rollig the dice
Rolling it off the lot
Rolling the fleshy blunt
Rolling your own
Rolling your quarters
Roman helmet rhumba
Romancing the bone
Romeo and himself
Rootin’ for the Yankees
Rope the goat
Rope the pony
Rope the Pope
Ropin’ the long horn
Rough up the suspect
Roughing the passer
Rounding up the tadpoles
Rub off
Rub one out
Rub the pink eraser
Rub the tub
Rub the unicorn’s horn
Rub your head
Rubbing Buddha’s tummy
Rubbing off
Rubbing one out
Rubbing Peter to pay Paula
Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
Rubbing the pink eraser
Rubbing the rod
Rubbing the unicorn’s horn
Ruminating and pondering
Run off a batch
Run off a batch by hand
Runka
Running in single-user mode
Running off a batch by hand
Running Peter through two-a-days
Running the cheeta
Running the whack-a-thon
Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
Safest sex
Sailing the mayonnaise seas
Sailors’ joy
Salting your nuts in the shell
Salute the sailor
Saluting Der Fuhrer
Saluting the general
Sampling the secret sauce
Sand wood
Sanding the banister
Sanding the obelisk
Sanding wood
Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
Saying hello to Mr. Winkie
Scalpin’ the injun
Schnauzer Shuffleboard
Schplitzing your schmeckel
Scouring the tower of power
Scraping the bottom of the barrel
Scraping your carrot
Scraping your horn
Scratching the cat pole
Scratching the itch
Scratching Yoda behind the ears
Screwing your courage to the sticking place
Screwing your girlfriend Handgella
Scromping the camper
Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
Seasoning your meat
Secret handshake
Seeding the carpet
Self abuse
Self catering
Self love
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Self-love
Semen Fire Drill
Sending a boy to the Academy
Sending out the troops
Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
Serving Up the Baby Gravy
Setting sail with Captain Thumb on the USS Hand
Sewing the seed
Sex with someone you really love
Sex with your best friend
Shag
Shag off
Shagging
Shake the weasel
Shakin’ hands with little Elvis
Shakin’ hands with Little Richard
Shakin’ hands with MrHappy
Shakin’ hands with MrWinkie
Shakin’ hands with the unemployed
Shakin’ hands with Yule Brenner
Shakin’ the snot off your frog
Shakin’ your fist at the ex-girlfriend
Shakin’ your hands at the sky
Shakin’ your own maracas
Shaking coconuts from the love tree
Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
Shaking hands with Johnson
Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
Shaking Hands with Mr. President
Shaking hands with Shorty
Shaking hands with the boss
Shaking hands with the general
Shaking hands with the goblin of love
Shaking hands with the Governor
Shaking hands with the midget
Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
Shaking hands with the President
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Shaking hands with your John Thomas
Shaking hands with your wife’s best friend
Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
Shaking the bottle
Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
Shaking the dice
Shaking the hand of the self-employed
Shaking the sauce
Shaking the sausage
Shaking the snake
Shaking the sugar tree
Shaking the tree
Shaking the white-out pen
Sharpening your pencil
Shavin’ the carrot
Shellac the shillelagh
Shemp the hog
Shift gears
Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
Shine the barrel
Shine the helmet
Shine the hose
Shine your dolphin
Shine your pole
Shining My Bedknob
Shining the helmet
Shining the pork sword
Shining the shaft
Shining the shank
Shining your pole
Shlackin’ the glacknoid
Shoe shine
Shoot for the moon
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot your squirt
Shoot your wak
Shootin’ your splouge
Shooting craps
Shooting Cupid’s arrow
Shooting enemies
Shooting flies
Shooting for the moon
Shooting for the stars
Shooting practice
Shooting putty at the moon
Shooting Sherman
Shooting skeet (pull…shoot)
Shooting tadpoles at the moon
Shooting the bedroom gun
Shooting the pump action porridge gun
Shooting the shark
Shooting the sherbert
Shooting to score
Shooting without scoring
Shooting Womprats in Beggar’s Canyon
Shooting your wad
Shooting yourself in the foot
Shower spank
Shuck your corn
Shucking Bubba
Shucking the corn
Shuffle the deck
Sifting through the nest to find mama bird
Simple infanticide
Singing with Donny Osmond
Single dingles
Siphoning off the tank
Sizing things up
Skipping rope
Slakin’ the bacon
Slaking the bacon
Slam the ham
Slam the hammer
Slam the salomi
Slam the Spam
Slammin’ the salmon
Slamming the hammer
Slamming the spam
Slamming the sump-pump
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap it
Slap my happy sacs
Slap pappy
Slap the carrot
Slap the clown
Slap the donkey
Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol
Slap the salami
Slap your head
Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
Slappin’ Pappy
Slappin’ the Cap’n
Slappin’ the purple-headed yogurt pistol
Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
Slapping it
Slapping Johnny on the back
Slapping my happy sacks
Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
Slapping the carrot
Slapping the clown
Slapping the Cyclops
Slapping the FleshGopher
Slapping the Jawa
Slapping the meat
Slapping the pud
Slapping the salami
Slapping the salomi
Slapping Uncle Willy
Slapping your chub
Slaying the beast
Slaying the dragon
Slaying the one-eyed monster
Sleeping
Slicking the stick
Slimmer
Sling some spooge
Slinging the jelly
Slog the log
Sloppy Joe’s last stand
Sloppy sign language
Smack the salami
Smackin’ Isaiah
Smacking Bob around
Smacking the monkey
Smacking the oompa loompa
Smacking the salami
Smacking the sausage
Smacking the snake
Smacking the weasel
Smacking the yak ‘til it spits back
Smacking your sister
Smacking-off
Smite the dragon
Smiting the pink knight
Smoking the bratworst
Snap the carrot
Snap the monkey
Snap the radish
Snap the rubber
Snap the whip
Snappin’ off a batch
Snapping one off
Snapping the carrot
Snapping the monkey
Snapping the radish
Snapping the rubber
Snapping the whip
Snapping your carrot
Snuggle the nozzle
Soiling My Sock
Soldier’s toy
Solitary sin, The
Solo flight
Solo marathon
Solo sex
Solo spit
Solo spurting
Soup of the day
Soviet U-boat Commander Jackoff Ruboneoff
Spackling the Ceiling
Spam Wham
Spank Elvis
Spank the bishop
Spank the carrot
Spank the frank
Spank the hangdown
Spank the monkey
Spank the salami
Spank the tank
Spank your little boy
Spanking Cheetah
Spanking Elvis
Spanking the bishop
Spanking the frank
Spanking the monkey
Spanking the plank
Spanking the rooster
Spanking the salami
Spanking the wank
Spanking up a batch
Speaking into the microphone
Spear chucking
Spearing the Spartans
Spela fickpingis
Spela skinntrombon
Spending some quality time with yourself
Spending your Christmas bonus
Spermin’ Herman the one-eyed German
Spewing your load
Spilling my children on my belly
Spinning the record
Spit one off
Spit the seeds
Spit-polishing the purple helmet
Spit-shine the purple helmet
Spit-shining the boots
Spitting up
Splashing one out
Spluging
Sprayin’ the spectators
Spreading some super life
Spreading the mayo
Sprinklin’ the lawn
Spunking
Spunking the Monk
Spurtin’ Bert
Squashing the sea monkey
Squeeze the cheese
Squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie
Squeeze the juice
Squeeze the lemon
Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
Squeeze your cheese-dog
Squeezing the burrito
Squeezing the Charmin
squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
Squeezing the Creamy Filter
Squeezing the glue
Squeezing the happy lumberjack
Squeezing the juice
Squeezing the lemon
Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
Squeezing the squid
Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
squeezing your cheese-dog
Squirt one off
Squirtin’ Burton
squirting off your load in the school bathroom
Squishing the fish
Staff meeting
Stall clapping
Starting the day off right
Stewing in your own juices
Sticky McKnuckles One Man Jam
Stinky pinky
Stir the batter
Stir the yogurt
Stirring the soup
Stirring the yogurt
Stoking the fire
Straddle your paddle
Strain the main vein
Strainin’ the main vein
Straining your cabbage
Strangle the dangle
Strangling Kojak
Strangling the hog
Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
Strangling the Serpent
Stress relief for a personal appendage
Stretching the limo
Stretching the truth
Striking the pink match
Striking your match
Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
Stripping the bark off your wood
Stroke off
Stroke the carrot
Stroke the dog
Stroke the goat
Stroke the mole
Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret
Stroke the satin-headed serpent
Stroke the stallion
Stroke the trumpet
Stroke ‘til you spew
Stroke your ego
Stroke your poke
Stroke your poker
Stroke your Twinkie
Stroke your wookie
Strokem your scrotum
Strokin’
Strokin’ the mule
Strokin’ the sausage
Stroking it
Stroking off
Stroking Steven
Stroking the balony pony
Stroking the lizard
Stroking the mole
Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroking the salami
Stroking the satin-headed serpent
Stroking the schlong
Stroking the Scooby
Stroking the snake
Stroking the squirmin’ German
Stroking the stallion
Stroking the wiener
Stroking your goat
Stroking your poker
Stroking your pud
Stroking your twinkie
Stromming the Thurmond
Strummin’ my six inch
Strumming the one-string harp
Stuck in left field
Studying for a math test
Studying Talmudic Law
Submitted by Jake W.
Sucker-punching the blind webster
Suffocate the organ
Sump-Pumping the Dry Well
Surfing on the Milky Highway
Swickin’ it
Swinging the jump rope
Swinging the light saber
Swinging the royal red reproduction rod
Synchronizing with his PalmPilot
Tadpole rodeo, The
Taffy pulling contest
Taffy tugger
Tagging off
Tajja
Take a beating
Take a load off your mind
Take a ride on the mean spanking machine
Take little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
Take matters into your own hands
Take ol’ stiff neck to the movies
Take part in population control
Take the fifth
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Take yourself in hand
Takin’ the bunt sign
Taking a client up to the Yajima Factory
Taking a core sample
Taking a few practice shots
Taking a five minute vacation south of the border
Taking a load off
Taking a nap
Taking a shake break
Taking a wrist shot on the five-hole
Taking advantage of yourself
Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
Taking care of business
Taking control of yourself
Taking Herman to the circus
Taking little Elvis to Graceland
Taking Little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
Taking matters into your own hands
Taking ol’ one eye through the fly
Taking ol’ one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
Taking part in population control
Taking some time off
Taking the dog for a walk
Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
Taking the sperm whale for a walk
Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
Talking quietly to yourself
Talking turkey
Tame the bald headed mouse
Tame the monster
Tame the shrew
Tame the wild hog
Taming of the shrew, The
Taming the shrew
Taming the wild hog
Tamping the Musket
Tamping your tater
Tapping the turkey
Target practice
Target practice with the yogurt gun
Target practicing with white ammo
Taunting the one-eyed weasel
Teach your dog to spit
Teach Yule Brenner some respect
Teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance
Teaching him a lesson
Teaching the Cyclops the lambada
Teaching your kids to swim
Tease the python
Tease the weenie
Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
Teasing the python
Teasing the Viking
Teasing the weasel
Teasing the weenie
Teeing off
Tenderize the meat
Tenderizing the tube steak
Tenderizing your meat
Tending to your own affairs
Test the flashlight
Test your batteries
Test-fire the Death Star
Test-firing the meat missle
Testicular tensile strength test
Testing my throat pic
Testing the hand cream dispenser
Testing the smoke alarm
Testing the testicles
Testing your batteries
Tethering the blimp
That crazy hand jive
The art of Unisex
The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
The erky jerk
The five digit disco
The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
The Five-Knuckle Shuffle
The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
The serta solo
The sticky page rhumba
The tube of cream
Thrapping
Thrash your thing
Thrashing the weasel
Threading a needle
Throbbing the knob
Thropping your marrow
Throttle the bottle
Throw off a catch
Throw out
Throw the ball around
Throwin’ down
Throwing
Throwing a shower
Throwing off a batch
Throwing the hamster against the wall
Throwing up mayo
Throwing your hand on the bed and raping it
Thump the pump
Thump your thong
Thumping the pump
Thumping your pud
Thwackin’ the sack
Tickle the Elmo
Tickle the ivory
Tickle the pickle
Tickle the taco
Tickle your pickle
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Tickling my fancy
Tickling the dragon’s tail
Tickling the ivory
Tickling the one-eyed weasel
Tickling the pickle
Tickling the Polish salmon
Tickling your Elmo
Tinkering with the R2 unit
Todd your wad
Toasting My Marshmallow
Tocar con mi pinga
Toilet sailing
Tonking
Torkin’ the fork
Torment the Trouser Trout
Torqueing the turtle
Torquing the wrench
Torturing the tentacle
Toss off
Toss the boss
Toss the midget
Toss the snag
Toss the turkey
Toss the turkey
Toss yogurt
Tossing off
Tossing the boss
Tossing the ham javelin
Tossing the salad
Tossing the sauce
Tossing the snag
Tossing the spam javelin
Tossing the turkey
Tossing the white ball
Tossing yogurt
Touching the penis
Touching Up the Ceramic
Train the Love Porpoise
Treating yourself right
Trim your antlers
Trim your horn
Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
Trolling for trouser trout
Trouser snake CPR
Trouser trout dancing lesson
Trying to pull something off
Tube sock tango
Tug on the doug
Tug of war with Cyclops
Tug the slug
Tuggin’ the timber
Tugging Mount Love
Tugging old beater
Tugging the rope
Tugging the slug
Tugging the tapioca tube
Tugging the tossle
Tugging the tubesteak
Tugging the turkey
Tugging your tubesteak
Tuning my horn
Tuning the antenna
Tuning the fork
Tuning your organ
Turn the knob
Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
Turning on your fire hose
Tussle with your muscle
Tussling the Muscle
Twanging the wire
Tweak your twiddle
Tweaking your twinkie
Tweek
Twirl the squirrel
Twist your crank
Twist your turnip
Twistin’ the Piston
Twisting your crank
Twisting your tool
Typing with one hand
Umroj
Uncorking the bottle
Uncorking the champagne
Underarm javelin in the meat olympics
Unleash the fury
Unleashing the alabaster yak
Unloading passengers from the five-car train
Unloading the gun
Unpacking the moving van
Unsheathing the meatsaber
Unsheathing the pork sword
unwrapping the pepperoni
Using the force on your meat saber
Using the ol’ 1 wood
Vaccinate the baby
Varnish the flagpole
Varnishing the banister
Varnishing the cane
Varnishing the flagpole
Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
Violating the hedge-hog
Virtual sex
Visiting Old Faithful
Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
Visiting the five-fingered widow
Visiting with Papa Smurf
Voting For Perot
Wack the weasel
Wacking a lap
Wacking off
Wacking the one-eyed worm
Wacking the paddle
Wacking the weasel
Wacking the weiner
Wacking the willie
Wagging the dog
Wailing
Wake the dead
Wakey wakey hands off snakey
Waking the dead
Waking up your bro
Waking Wee Willie Winkle
Walk the dog
Walk the plank
Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly’s shoes
Walking old one-eye
Walking the snake
Walking Willie the one-eyed wonder worm
Wallowing in self pity
Wang whacking
Wank
Wank the crank
Wank the Willy Wonka
Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Wanking
Wanking off
Wanking one-eyed Willy
Wanking the crank
Wanking the one-eyed wonder worm
Wanking the scube
Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Wank-o-rama
Warming up the altar boy’s dinner
Wash the meat
Washing the elephant’s trunk
Washing the goose’s neck
Washing the hog
Washing the meat
Washing the wolverine
Wasting babies
Wasting your wad
Watching the geyser
Wave the wand
Waving the Magic Wand
Wax the board
Wax the Buick
Wax the candle stick
Wax the carrot
Wax the dolphin
Wax the musket
Wax the womb broom
Wax your Jackson
Wax your surfboard
Wax your weasel
Wax your Willy
Waxin’ n’ Milkin’
Waxing pedro
Waxing the beanpole
Waxing the car
Waxing the flipper
Waxing the old goal post
Waxing the rocket
Waxing your Jackson
Waxing your surfboard
Whack it
Whack little Mac
Whack off
Whack on your back
Whack the pud
Whack the weasel
Whack your Magic Johnson
Whack your tack
Whackin’ the weasel
Whacking it
Whacking off
Whacking the axe
Whacking the weed
Whacking your tack
Whapping your wang
Whip off
Whip the dummy
Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
Whip the one-eyed worm
Whip the rat
Whip the stiff
Whip the wire
Whip up some sour cream
Whip your dripper
Whippin’ the mule
Whippin’ the whopper
Whipping Dripping
Whipping off
Whipping skippy
Whipping the balls
Whipping the bishop
Whipping the dummy
Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
Whipping the pony
Whipping the rat
Whipping the stiff
Whipping the walrus
Whipping the window washer
Whipping the wire
Whipping up a batch
Whipping up some sour cream
Whipping Up Some Waffle Batter
Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
Whipping your dripper
Whipping your Skippy
Whipping your Willy
White water wristing
Whitewashing
Whitewashing with Huck and Tom
White-water wristing
Whittle the stick
Whittling Dixie
Whizzin’ jism
Whizzin’ Jizz
Whizzin’ Jizzum
Wiggling your walrus
Wiggling your worm
Willy spitting
Willy tickle
Willy wanking
Winding my watch
Winding the Jack in the Box
Winding the Wurlitzer
Windsurf on Mount Baldy
Wing it
Wonk your conker
Wonking your donk
Work off
Work one out
Work things out
Workin’ out a stiff joint
Workin’ the Jerkin
Working a cramp out of your muscle
Working at your own speed
Working late at the office
Working overtime at the meat factory
Working up a batch
Working up a foamy lather
Working without Annette
Working your Willy
Wrapping my hand around my fuck and blowing a load all over my mother
Wrestle the bald-headed champion
Wrestle the dragon
Wrestle the eel
Wrestle with Cyclops
Wrestling Jimmy
Wrestling the alligator
Wrestling the bald-headed champ
Wrestling the bald-headed sumo
Wrestling the eel
Wrestling the gator
Wrestling the one-eyed monster
Wrestling the purple-headed warrior
Wrestling with Jimmy
Wrestling with the bald champ
Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
Wrestling Yul Brenner
Wring your thing
Wringin’ out the tube steak
Wringin’ the towel
Wringing out your rope
Wringing ‘round the rosie
Wrist aerobics
Yahtzee
Yang your wang
Yank my doodle dandy
Yank off
Yank the plank
Yank the shank
Yank the yam
Yank the yodel
Yank the yo-yo
Yank your crank
Yank your plank
Yank your strap
Yank your wank
Yank your yam
Yankee your Wankee
Yankin’ it
Yankin’ your chain
Yankin’ your Franklin
Yanking off
Yanking the crank
Yanking the doodle
Yanking the yoyo
Yanking your chain
Yanking your crank
Yanking your plank
Yanking your Yoda
Yogurt slinging
Yoinkin’ off
Yuckin’ your choad
Zipper Olympics
Zoot Flute Riot
Zygote spraying
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