Pregnant woman to have dolphin as midwife


#21

Oo oo oo wait I know this one… They both start with the letter d?


#22

No no, Guano only gives farmers magical powers anymore.

To have a Batman’s Batman powers, you need to give birth in a bank vault surrounded by banksters who shower magical sums of cash on your newborn. Oh and then you must be killed in front of said child.


#23

I wonder if that’s how Golden Bat got his powers?


#24

I hope they explain to the dolphin beforehand what’s going on. Birth is a wild ride even when you’re expecting it.


#25

It’s a fully trained doula, you insensitive clod.


#26

With a mind that…open…she’ll be picking krill out of her brainial ridges for weeks after seawater immersion.


#27

I wonder will she have continuity of care with the same dolphin or a pod of dolphins? Will the dolphin take urine samples? Administer nitrous oxide? I’d be a bit concerned about home visits. Would she have to get a tank in for those? I would think any advice the dolphins had to offer regarding breathing techniques might not be applicable to humans.

I hope, for the sake of all involved, that the mother doesn’t have a breach birth.


#28

I see what you did there.


#29

The husband was a “shamanic healer” guest on NaturalNews, I’m not surprised.


#30

It is really depressing, this line of thought. ‘Healing’ by dolphins that is.

I’ve got a couple good friends who are ‘healers’, and it took several life threatening operations and more blood transfusions than I can count before they realized they were really ‘receptive people to go talk to’ and not healers. (Cause those are called doctors and have degrees, not certificates from a two week online course).

I don’t mind if people enjoy a bit of Woo, just not when death is on the line.


#31

Notice in that video how the handler has to keep physically backing the dolphin back?

My thoughts as well. These wild creatures aren’t going to respect the “hippy magic”.
Also, won’t the blood and other birth material attract other fish and unwanted visitors?
Shark powers?

I think it is pretty cute and naive that she thinks she is going to be having contractions and feel like jumping on a speed boat to try and find a pod of dolphins that will stick around while she jumps contracting into the water to give birth. Someone hasn’t experienced the magic of birth before!


#32

I hear that grizzly bears are great midwives!


#33

I am SHOCKED to find a bullshitting grifter stripping all the meanings out of words and replacing them with Random Capitals.

Maika has been in the Holistc Health Field for over 28 years. He is the Creator of Quantum Life Shift and
Ascension to Love.
Maika’s focus has been on integrating the Multi-Dimensional nature of Body, Mind and Spirit. Using leading technologies he has developed Energetic systems to raise the human potential and create a different personal reality through transforming patterns in the subconscious mind.
Maika is a Massage therapist and Shamanic Sound Healer who works with Sound instruments, Energy Alignment, Breath work, Pranic Healing and Body Electronics.


#34

I wonder how much he paid for faux-native name and “training” from the Indigo Child school for Neoshamans who can’t read good.


#35

How long you wanna bet before Deepak Chopra sends him a DMCA cease and desist?


#36

“Alternative Medicine” is an alternative to medicine.


#37

What’s going to kill the kid first:

  1. Drowning
  2. Eaten by dolphin or other errant marine animal.
  3. Illness from the almost certain lack of vaccination

#38
And try as I like, A small crack appears In my diplomacy dike. "By definition", I begin "Alternative Medicine", I continue "Has either not been proved to work, Or been proved not to work. Do you know what they call "alternative medicine" That's been proved to work?

Medicine."


Excerpt from Storm by Tim Minchin

#39

Luckily they came to their senses mostly. Now it is more a ‘make you feel good about yourself’ sorta thing, which if you compare with research on positive and negative ideation* in psychology isn’t that nuts.

  • I flippan hate the word ideation

#40

$0.00, is my guess.