If I was the prosecutor, I would crowd source the serving of the summons, and reward the successful serving of the summons (with video proof) with a $1K-10K prize. There is certainly people within his own inner circle that would turn him for this tidy sum.
5 Likes
This earned a literal guffaw. The timing in the thread, which somehow hadn’t really gone there yet? The casual simplicity, contrasted with your usual care and thoroughness? *chefkiss*
8 Likes
Have they checked rock bottom? Maybe the bottom of the barrel?
9 Likes
12 Likes
Have they tried looking in Wisborg, Germany?
15 Likes
I’m sure this isn’t legal, right? It sounds delightful so it can’t be.
7 Likes
Surely there’s a clause that makes it legal if it’s televised as a reality TV show. The Great Chase! Teams of Rudy’s former allies and friends travel the country, tracking him through a mix of crowdsourced sightings and old-fashioned detective work.
6 Likes
I love your analysis. Few dare – and succeed – at explaining why something happens to be funny!
4 Likes
It hadn’t occurred to me that my sincere praise contained an explanation, but I’m glad that it was well received.
5 Likes
Every video/pic I’ve seen of him showed the face of a man very near death. Maybe his progress toward the end is asymptotic. The curve has flattened out.
2 Likes
He has become thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread…
7 Likes
Surely we just need to follow the traditional ritual to summon him.
Draw a summoning circle in sweat and hair dye, with candles representing the four seasons on the circumference. Then chant the incantation “Noun, verb, 9-11” three times and he should appear.
9 Likes
Just give him the impression he’s invited to a business meeting with a retail chain or whatever.
He’ll show up in a flash when he smells money:
6 Likes
I think I know where he is:
The giveaway: 
4 Likes
He once was lost, but now is found:
“In a statement to the Post, Wren questioned whether it was “a good use of resources to send multiple agents across the country to storm an 80th birthday party like it was Normandy.””
Yes. Normandy was another location where we fought against fascists, so, apt comparison. If he’s concerned about resource management, he could have encouraged Giuliani to surrender days ago.
17 Likes
Sounds almost as fun as the time process servers snuck into a Scientology event dressed as Santa Claus, Mrs Claus, and elves. “You’re served, ho ho ho!”
8 Likes
Instagramming and tweeting, but same deal.
9 Likes
