Dear Canada,
Have you seen what’s been going on south of your borders? Is it OK if my spouse and I move in with you?
Your pal,
monkeyoh
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When Canada builds the wall to keep us out, will they make us pay for it?
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Wouldn’t we be more than happy to chip in to the wall-building fund, if Canada would let us do it from their side of the wall?
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Did you hear Texas is planning a secession vote? Wouldn’t it be convenient if I was forced to move anyway, so I could just work on returning to my spiritual homeland above the 49th parallel?
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Wouldn’t this be the bestest reason of all to vote for Hillary if she’s the one on the ballot, instead of petulantly staying at home on Election Day? Wouldn’t they pass the secession vote within one working day of her election? Wouldn’t that be the greatest silver lining ever?
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If Texas somehow did secede (not that they legally actually could), wouldn’t it work wonders for the makeup of the Senate, House, and Electoral College? Might it be worth it if only to remove Ted Cruz, John Cornyn, and Greg Abbott from our fine nation?
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How long ago was Ann Richards the Governor?
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Way, way, way too long ago? How did Texas manage to move to such an utterly infantile, regressive state as a State so quickly since '94? Isn’t it the saddest, dumbest, most horrible thing that she was replaced by GWB?
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Hasn’t it been around 20 years? But haven’t the last 20 years been several eons in terms of political drain-swirling?
Isn’t it hard to believe that Barbara Jordan was a politician from Texas too?
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Is that going to work any better than it did during the previous Texas revolution? Can I make some recommendations on who should staff the Alamo this time, just in case?
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Didn’t that one end with Texas bankrupt, in political chaos from incompetent leadership, and about to lose a war with Mexico, begging the US to save them? Doesn’t it seem likely the same turn of events would happen?
Would your list include Ted Cruz and Greg Abbott?
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As a resident of Durham, CT, don’t I frown when such aspersions are cast on the actions of our Native Son (and pere, Moses)?
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If Texas did vote to secede, would Mexico try to take it back? Wouldn’t that be a major reversal?
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If Texas did vote to secede, since we legally can’t, wouldn’t it likely drag in the courts for a while then be another footnote in the history of the decline of the GOP? But if somehow they managed it, once the massive economic collapse and political failure set in, might they be foolish enough to try to declare war on Mexico to try to go out with a bang rather than a whimper? Since it’s only ~10 counties representing the lunatics out of 250ish isn’t it likely to fail at the convention if it doesn’t go to a popular vote to fail there?
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Would it help Trump’s wall if it could be built around Texas instead?
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Doesn’t Bush’s wall already cut a nice slice off of the edge of Texas?
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You ever have one of those days where you keep wanting software to crash faster, since you’re waiting for it to crash to debug the latest of the carnage from a massive rewrite?
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Does anyone else feel like the phrase “mission accomplished” has been ruined forever? What should the replacement, non-sarcastic saying be?
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“Bless your heart, good job, have a nice day now”?
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*struggles to keep a straight face* Are you sure that would fit the criteria? 
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