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Oh, I agree, it was very nice - except for the bit where he asked her out again, after it was clear that she was already seeing someone else. Admittedly, Lt. Dunworthy was further out of line by refusing for her, which led to the rest of the situation, but asking someone out for tomorrow night while sheās being picked up for tonightās date? Them aināt kosherized rules.
I think that was the distinction between the Olde Tyme notions of āhaving a dateā, versus āgoing steadyā. Going out with a friend in no way implies any further commitment. If such a commitment exists, then they might simply decline stating that they have a SO, rather than merely going out somewhere.
It also illustrates the value of confidence and respect, in both self and the other. If Dunworthy felt these, he might not feel slighted by knowing that his date might choose between him and another guy. That he didnāt trust her to decide and even dismissed his trip as a waste of gas betrayed his sense of entitlement and insecurity.
It is easy to be polite and kind when things seem to be going your way! But the real test is those other times.
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I donāt know whether I am happy or sad that nobody from the he-man-woman-haters club showed up on this thread to receive a swift ban.
I guess the issue that I have with the idea of āfriendzoningā is that it comes from the idea that to men, all women are for fucking, and if a man gets friendzoned, heās a failure (and something bad about women). I suppose itās universally obvious to all happy mutants that this is exactly whatās wrong with this concept. People have to get over it.
For me, emotional intimacy is far more valuable than the physical kind. But the physical kind can be awfully nice. 
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We are still valued most for our ability to procreate.
Iām valued most for my thyme and horseradish buttered beets.
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Thyme is Money.
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And money is power. And power is pizza.
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Thatās right: thereās leftover pizza in the fridge, thanks so much for reminding me!
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āleftover pizzaā? what a weird idea, how can this even happen?
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Why no gif love? Itās in the bank and everything.
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itās boingboing. we donāt trust banks.
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It is a critical skill.
Without it we are doomed.
Of course science may bring us alternativesā¦
TL;DR Cool graphic, lame lampoon
Margaret Atwood is credited with observing that a manās worst fear of a woman is that she will humiliate him, but a womanās worst fear of a man is that he will kill her. Rational or not, what makes sense of a lot of male behaviour is to assume that those two fears are experienced as equally intense - just like many people rank the fear of public speaking over the fear of death. Of course that points to a problem that men have to solve - maybe we need to make Cognitive Behavioural Therapy group classes mandatory in highschool or something.
I think you arenāt seeing the ugly baggage the comes with the persistent use of āfriendzoneā by pick up artists. Itās kind of become a dog whistle that identifies the speakers as a misogynist. Iāve been in situations where I was pining after someone who didnāt return my affections but liked me fine as a person and i was too shy to do anything about it. Iāve also had the shoe on the other foot. I imagine a lot of people were in these situations when they were young and didnāt know how to deal with them in a mature fashion.
PUAs see something malevolent about the āfriendzoneā - as if women treat men as friends to reap the benefits of a boyfriend without paying the price. Those are the actual terms they think in - the benefits of a boyfriend are emotional support and the price is sex. In their minds it is unfair for a woman to be emotionally connected to a man without having sex with him as well. The implications are pretty disgusting.
I think the approach you are taking - if you are interested in someone be forthright about it, and if you are not interested in being ājust friendsā then just donāt do that - is the mature approach and there is nothing at all sexist about it. It is treating both parties as individuals who can make their own decisions. Iāve been on both ends of that kind of exchange as well, and while it sometimes hurts a bit, it feels a lot better.
But back to the original article. I would agree with some other commenters that it is not worthy of Seuss, but wow the āWhy are they all sad, glad, bad? Human nature. Ask your dad.ā was worth the entire read (even though it was already quoted in the BB post). Besides, āworthy of Seussā is a bar so high weād be paralyzed into inaction if we always set it for ourselves (sort of like how weād be paralyzed into inaction if our bar for telling someone our feelings was that it would result in Princess Bride-esque true love).
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Maybe, but maybe notā¦, its a bit exaggerated, but just exactly to the point about (not) āequallyā experiencing āthingsā. [edit] Perception, thats the expression i was looking for.
I canāt give enough ++ for that.
Maybe youād prefer to hear it explained more recently and from a white male?
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I think a lot of relationships have an element of this, where one person does something for the other and expects the other person to reciprocate in another way. Thereās a big cultural divide between sexual relationships and others, but there are some where people have sex in the hope of emotional connection or some other sign of affection and donāt communicate those expectations (or show affection for someone and expect sex to be the result). Eventually, itās not all that uncommon for people from both genders to feel manipulated and conclude that women/men are like that (especially after this happens a few times with different people). There are manipulative jerks out there, but being clear about what you want at least allows you to move on if that person isnāt interested in that way.
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