Scientology's $5,000 E-meters are surprisingly well-engineered

Oh no! That means I’m on another infinite upgrade path.

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It’s more cyclic. As people get close to the top of the current Bridge at OT-VIII (IX and X are real soon), there’s more chance that they’ll be told that there was a mistake and they’ll have to start on Clear again.

These days, they don’t try so hard to get people up the Bridge, they go for direct money removal for status and bling bowling trophies.

That is the Diamond Invictus, at the ~$70 million+ total contribution level, on top of the podium:


(It’s from a magazine, so the image is a bit distorted.)

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Hmmm… I’m in the mood for a clambake.

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OK - we GOT to send one to AvE to see just how skookum these things are.

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I haven’t tried to detect space faeries yet, I’ve been too busy trying to find rich suckers…oops, ahem…‘aficionados of finely crafted vintage space faerie detectors.’

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I see the Church of Scientology doesn’t have any good sculptors in the congregation…

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They have an outside firm do them.

The problem is that they were told to do The Ultimate In Tacky Bling, and they did it. And then they’ve been told to outdo that effort several times since then as they managed to milk their biggest donor, Bob Duggan, for more and more. Since Bob seems to have split Scientology and picked up a younger trophy wife instead, it’ll be a while before they need a new post-ultimate prize.

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Just when you think the supporters of Scientology can’t get any stupider, along comes another milestone.

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looks like alien technology to me…

Only $5k? That has to be the best deal in scientology!

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Saying it “does nothing” is a bit off. Its a simple stress detector, that’s all, that measures changes in perspiration. Same principle as the stress -detector that Stanford University recently developed.

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Due to the fact you are holding the cans, they really measure how much you are squeezing them as much as they measure perspiration. It is a massive engineering flaw if you want an accurate measure of galvanic skin response, and it’s practical engineering if you want a pseudo-scientific device to use as part of your black mail confessions gathering scheme for a cult.

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It’s an overengineered ohmmeter.

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So can you get out of having your Quackmeter torn apart by the Border Nazis by claiming it’s a religious artifact?

Could be, especially with that sticker on the bottom. (Which isn’t quite the wording the court said it had to be when they won against the FDA.)

I found that when I stopped saying that I was going camping at X-Day, and said I was going to a yearly religious retreat of the Church of the SubGenius, things went smoother at the border.

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