Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/08/01/scooch-mooch-part-2-harvard-l.html
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“To respond to the waggish,” continued the spokesperson, “nearly all of these alumni are ‘dead inside’ and only about half are ‘dead to us’, so please do not read any motive into this error.”
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You know, telling them you’re dead is a great way to permanently unsubscribe from their mailing list.
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Hmmmm. . . 1989 graduate of Harvard Law. . . which means he and Obama overlap at Harvard Law for one year.
(Only interesting to me because my landlord is still convinced that Obama is a “secret Muslim”, and that he never even went to Harvard.)
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I feel like there should a dead parrot sketch adaptation along those lines.
Let me give it a shot, (hold my beer!)
A man enters Harvard Alumnus Relations office.
Mooch: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(Harvard does not respond.)
Mooch: 'Ello, Miss?
Harvard: What do you mean “miss”?
Mooch: (pause)I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Harvard: We’re closin’ for lunch.
Mooch: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about these requests for donations that I receive incessantly from this very institution.
Harvard: Oh yes, the, uh, the requests for financial support…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with that?
Mooch: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. They’re bloody infuriating, that’s what’s wrong with it! So I’m officially calling in dead!
Harvard: No, no, you’re uh,…you’re resting.
Mooch: Look, matey, I know a dead man when I see one, and I’m looking at one in the mirror right now.
Harvard: No no you’re not dead, you’re, you’re restin’! Remarkably stout fellow you are, ay? Beautiful constitution!
Mooch: The constitution don’t enter into it. I’m stone dead.
Harvard: Nononono, no, no! You’re resting!
Mooch: All right then, if I’m restin’, try an’ wake me up!
(Harvard hits Mooch)
Harvard: There, you moved!
Mooch: No, I didn’t, that was you hitting me!
Harvard: I never!!
Mooch: Yes, you did!
Harvard: I never, never did anything…
Mooch: I’m dead! I’m dead! I’m dead! I’m dead! I’m dead!
(Mooch thumps his head on the counter. Throws himself backwards and falls on the floor.)
Mooch: See? I’m bloody well dead!
Harvard: No, no…No, you’re stunned!
Mooch: STUNNED?!?
Harvard: Yeah! You’re stunned, just as you was wakin’ up too!
Mooch: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely 'ad enough of this. I’m definitely deceased, and I was when I walked in here and I still am!
Harvard: Well, you’re…you’re, ah…probably pining for that cute perfessor in Histery 101.
Mooch: PININ’ for the PERFESSOR?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did I just fall flat on me back?
Harvard: Ain’t my problem if yer prefers keepin’ on yer back! Remarkable ain’tcha, squire? Lovely constitution!
Mooch: Look, I took the liberty of killing myself after your last begging letter, and I discovered the only reason you’d been sending them is you thought I was alive!
(pause)
Harvard: Well, o’course you’re alive, we wouldn’t be sendin’ ya letters if you wasn’t, amirite?
Mooch: Mate, I wouldn’t be sendin’ you lot any money if you put four million volts through me! I’m bleedin’ demised!
Harvard: No no! You’re pining!
Mooch: I’m not pinin’! I’m passed on! This alumnus is no more! I’ve ceased to be! I’m expired and gone to meet me maker! I’m a stiff! Bereft of life, I rests in peace! I be pushing up the daisies! My metabolic processes are now ‘istory! I’m off the twig! I’ve kicked the bucket, I’ve shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-ALUMNUS!!
(pause)
Harvard: Well, I’d better mark you dead, then.
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He was just spending a year dead for tax purposes.
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Seriously, in my whole life I met only three people as weird as your landlord. The US seem unbelievably alien to me.
Which fits just as well with political developments since November 9th, 2016.
They meant to list him in the “Dead To Me” section.
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They listed Scaramucci as dead. He is not in fact dead. We are very sorry about this. This error will be rectified before the next issue comes out.
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““Regrettably, there is an error in the Harvard Law School alumni directory in the listing for Anthony Scaramucci.” If they had any sense they’d simply say that they regret that the directory is not correct. Or that Moochi actually went to Yale and had never been anywhere near Harvard.
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“Regrettably, there is an error in the Harvard Law School alumni directory in the listing for Anthony Scaramucci,” a Harvard spokesperson said with a snicker.
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Mooch says " why me Dog"?
As attorneys, they were considering brain dead to be within the spirit of the law to permit the listing.
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It seems alien to many of us who live here, too.
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Maybe Lin-Manuel Miranda will give him the “Hamilton” treatment in a show titled Mooch Ado About Nothing…
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He was let go of rather early, for a late man.
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reminds me gently of that hackers movie habeas corpus even line
this came on up
