Self-proclaimed "Anti-woke" bank bombs

Originally published at: Self-proclaimed "Anti-woke" bank bombs | Boing Boing

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Too stupid to fail…

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Treating people with respect isn’t just a so called woke value, but it’s a solid business practice too. Even hardcore, coked up wall street sharks are reluctant to work with folks they might suspect who’d try to stab them in the back.

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Within months, the investors’ money was nearly gone, and GloriFi was on the verge of bankruptcy. It missed launch dates, blaming faulty technology and failures by vendors, and laid off dozens of employees.

This is my surprised face.

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Nick Jonas Wow GIF by Jonas Brothers

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Well I didn’t read the article but one of the key aspects of the modern Anglo-Saxon economy is that a relatively small number of people with relatively huge amounts of money have more than satisfied their actual needs and are busy finding places they can invest to make more money. Some of them must have thought this GloriFi was a sure-fire unicorn of a start-up.

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I’m sure that the people behind this scam are laughing all the way to a different bank.

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Alternative names:

  1. Three Fifths Bank
  2. Bank of REAL America
  3. TD AmeriTradwife
  4. Shittygroup
  5. HorriFi
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Fuck 'em, it deserved to fail.

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…and I so wanted a tactical credit card.

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No tactical withdrawals, then. Boo.

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Well, something ought to be aimed at those guys. The bomb aspect sounded hopeful. But Peter Thiel seems to have got it all wrong.

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[quote=“Papasan, post:2, topic:232464, full:true”]
Too stupid to fail Thiel…
[/quote]

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shocked philip j fry GIF

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Anyone investing in that deserves to lose their shirt.

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They tried to own the libs, and now they own shit.

On the other hand, there’s the credit union I belong to, which is pretty much the diametrical opposite of this fake-patriotic SNL skit of a bank. Shell-casing credit cards? Geez.

If you have the opportunity to ditch a typical greedy grabber bank in favor of a not-for-profit credit union, I highly recommend it.

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I put all my savings and wardrobe in to the First National Bank of Shirt Destruction; imagine my surprise…

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They love to squeal “GO WOKE, GO BROKE!”, but actually the opposite happened.

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  1. Business, for the most part, aren’t “woke”. They are just reflecting the societal values the majority of Americans posses.

  2. " It stumbled with products; for instance, a plan to make a credit card out of the same material used for shell casings failed when the company realized the material could interfere with security chips and potentially be too thick for payment terminals, according to people familiar with the matter."

There already is at least one company making metal cards. You send them your card, they laser engrave the info plus a design you pick out, and then either clone or move your RFID chip (I don’t know what process they use.)

I don’t think they use brass (which is what shell casings are made from) - I am not sure what they use - but they evidently work as credit/debit cards.

  1. “Spite” rarely makes a good business model.
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Jesus chased the money changers out of the temple, so now they tried to build a hybrid temple/bank to keep it from happening again?

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