This example is a perfect illlustration of it. Everyone knows a person who is too grabby or touchy or stands too close for their liking. There are unwritten social rules about touching, and everyone has their own comfort levels within those. It’s generally accepted that touching another person’s groin, buttox, or breasts is off limits without permission. Even with friends, I wouldn’t push those boundaries. But we all know people who do and don’t think of themselves as unhealthy or unconsensual. You think of yourself as fun and flirty and harmless and still do things that are harassing- like grandpas who pat ladies’ bottoms or hug too much. Lots of women put up with it because they’ve been taught to let it go and not make men uncomfortable.
Even if you or I imagine ourselves as harmless and meaning well, if we push that boundary and the other person doesn’t want it, it’s still not okay.
Here’s another better explanation;
She says:
"Sexual harassment, unwanted sexual attention, grabby or flirtatious old men; we’re taught as women to make excuses for them, especially as black women. You’re supposed to be A-OK with a touch here, a squeeze there, a dirty look, or even an unwanted grab. You’re supposed to laugh—act grateful, even—for the attention.
Even if you never wanted the attention in the first place.
What happened to me was something that was so casual, I almost didn’t even consider it sexual harassment, even though it was beyond my desire."
Right now women are pushing back against that convention of not speaking up when they really don’t want to be touched.
My SO is really handsy- he gropes and touches me all of the time and I love it, because we’re in a relationship and I see it as validation of our mutual affection.
I would feel totally violated if anyone else touched me the way that he does.
The point of the thread, and many others like this one, is to believe women. And we should, moreso than ever. But there is a crosscurrent of fake and inflated news, and our feeds are saturated with it. We (like the big collective we) often don’t realize it until days later, if we even do. So, yes, believe women. Take this kind of stuff seriously. We need to. But have your caution flags up… maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to believe every “news” report that flies across the wire. Exercise an element of caution in the bandwagon jumping. That’s not the same as excusing bad behavior. It’s exercising due skepticism, something that seems to be in short supply lately. We can be skeptics AND feminists AND not stand for bad behavior all at the same time.
Anecdotally, I have no male friends who were ever falsely accused, but every woman I know has multiple stories, some of them horrific. The problem I have with the cases cited are that they are trotted out to discourage disclosure.
That is precisely why they are trotted out. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. the conversation turns to rape or sexual assault… The “whataboutism” is getting very tedious.
Your link really nails it. I think this part is really relevant.
"I reached out to a former co-worker who was in the conference room, who also had lined up to get her own photos with Jackson, and she said: “I remember him being inappropriate with all the women. And I also remember you telling me that he did something more with you. And then we brushed the shit off and chalked it up to him just being a dirty old man.”
But that’s not enough.
I personally never wanted to say anything because my situation was just a thigh grab. Barely a blip on anyone’s radar, even my own. Jackson’s tight grip doesn’t even measure up to what any of the victims of Harvey Weinstein and others have had to endure; however, I was uncomfortable and had to swallow the lump in my throat as I stood right beside the civil rights leader.
Honestly, I think it’s worth it for women to speak out against men who simply can’t keep their hands to themselves. Because that’s where it starts. My silence gave Jackson permission to continue grabbing at the next pair of thick thighs he liked. I’m hoping that my voice does the opposite."
If we’re talking about a preponderance of evidence/testimony of ‘unlawful touching’ or sexual groping/battery/abuse and the accused denies it all like a mo-fo (thereby insinuating/calling the accusers fantasizers/liars/‘extortionists’) then – for me – it’s not totally weird to ask the accused to resign. But, if the accused stands up and says, “Yes. I did those things. I’m a scumbag. My accusers are telling the truth”, then (in my perfect world), the accusers (victims) should decide on what should happen next. Rape is a different matter; jail, jail, jail ASAP.
JMHO: Won’t have any chance of happening unless the Dems take both houses of Congress AND actually listen to its constituents. I’d think that the local governments where the sexual abuses took place would issue any warrants, but the current GOP would put major sleazeball pressure on those local govs to back off.
