Slotted mattress facilitates cuddling


Originally published at:


On the one hand this would solve the problem of the impossibility of folding a fitted sheet, but, on the other hand, as the article says, “I suspect the channels would become repositories for dead skin and hair.”

Also I cuddle with two forty-pound dogs who I think would be frustrated to find their paws stuck in the slots.


Clever design, but… to work you have to either use this with no bottom sheet, or you have to buy custom, much more expensive sheets. Neither seems very satisfactory especially if putting sheets on would involve pressing them down into each groove.


Today, I’ve cleaned up cat puke, partially digested rodent, and about 60% of a dead lizard. I think a mattress like this is unsuited to people with pets. I cannot imagine the horrors that would end up in those channels, in my house.


I’m cuddling right now.


Obligatory Oatmeal comic…


I wonder if Mr. Munroe will assert his IP claim…


I think I’ve figured out an even better solution: vertical beds. A quick Google search turned up this which just needs to be redesigned to accommodate two. Or more, if you’re into that sort of thing.


Cute, the but the list of foreseeable problems is immense:

  • Never find the remote again.
  • Can’t stand our your mattress for any reason.
  • Crumbs in bed now way harder to clean up.
  • Other bed messes not are directly on your mattress, not your sheets.
  • I’d shudder to think about infants and toddlers getting stuck into this bed.

Etc, and everything everyone else mentioned.

A single slot at a reasonable height and a sheet that has extra material to accommodate the slot, might work, for some people.


I suppose that one could use two or more flat sheets as the under sheet. Start with hospital corners at the top, and press it down into the grooves. Finish with hospital corners at the bottom and put all the excess in the sides underneath the mattress. If you only press it down into the groove at the proper height, as dragonbait suggests, you could make do with only two flat sheets as a bottom. If you tried to press it into every groove, it would be a ton of extra work and you’d need several normal sized flat sheets to manage, since the grooves appear to be deeper than they are wide.


Didn’t the Segway guy patent something like this?


Why… why is that pocket on the side?




They covered that in the video. It comes with special stretchy sheets. :slight_smile: Too much money for me, though. Especially since I don’t have any cuddle friends right now. :laughing:


On the plus side, it seems great for playing “wait, if those are your arms there, whose arm is in this crevasse?!?” pranks.


Lose all the things!


I’ve been hearing about those mattresses for years. The xkcd comic was inspired by such a design back when it made the buzz.


It does seem like they could get away with just one or a few slots instead of dozens. Then it would be no more likely than a couch to swallow detritus. Really, unless you often eat in bed without sheets on, I can’t see this being a dealkiller anyway.


It would seem I have confused the chicken with the egg :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


I haven’t yet but you’re inspiring me. What’s a good “regretting the decision to eat this in bed” food?