Originally published at: "Smart toilets" that monitor poop, pee and your "analprint" | Boing Boing
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Person 1: So what do you do for a living?
Person 2: I work in IT as a anal-analyst.
Person 1: Sorry, didn’t mean to make you nervous.
Person 2: That wasn’t a stutter.
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Private insurers in the U.S. are soiling themselves in excitement over this new monitoring technology.
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“Internet of Shit” was not supposed to be taken literally.
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Re: analprint
As we mentioned above, in spite of the taboo, we are trying to advance healthcare through our Precision Health Toilet system. The potential for using the human anus as a biometric identifier is not a new concept . The famous painter, Salvador Dalí (1904-1989), had already figured out that the anus has 35 or 37 creases, which are as unique as fingerprints. He was not able to account for the variation in numbers of creases, but noticed that it is unrelated to a person’s background and social class. Indeed, the analprint of individuals is based on genetics. Thus, he found that identical twins had exactly the same pattern and number of creases. He conducted experiments to substantiate his claim, and “made the impressions of twins’ behinds into candelabra.”
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Reminds me of the Rick & Morty episode when Rick finds out someone was using his private high-tech commode and uses turd-analysis technology to track down the perpetrator across the galaxy.
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Oh, right - it’s just the SmartPipe™*
*Smartpipe is a registered sex offender
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I’ve heard of animal print, and I’ve heard of floral print…but I’m just not sure I can get behind this new anal print.
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This will not be the Internet of Shit, it will be the Walled Garden of Shit.
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Meanwhile everyone else in the US should be pissing themselves with fear about what they’ll do with the data.
But as an IBD sufferer, I’d buy one, but only as long as it only reports data to me and has no internet connection.
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Many people “wouldn’t, for very good reasons, like cameras pointing up their bottoms”, says Phil Booth, the coordinator of MedConfidential
Only if they pay me.
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Sure, but if there weren’t any nefarious aspects to this, a low effort daily urin test would be incredibly useful.
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precision health
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All the things they say about their special toilets may be perfectly accurate and backed by science, but personally, I don’t think mentioning Dali helps their case.
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Worst smartphone unlock option yet!
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