Something New: frank, comedic, romantic memoir of a wedding in comic form

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I think Lucy is the bees knees, but I have to ask: if she’s queer, why did she marry a man? I’m not trying to be snarky, here, just trying to parse it out. Are you just using that in the sense of broadening the definition of her sexuality (i.e. she’s bisexual, of which being queer is a part)? Or does queer have a broader meaning, now?

Is it any of your business?

And yes, queer has ALWAYS had a wider definition.

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It isn’t. I’m merely trying to understand the terminology and its application. For all of my life, queer had a fairly static definition; someone getting married for romantic reasons to someone of the opposite gender was generally the opposite of that definition. I wasn’t asking her reasons or her right to do so, since that’s entirely between her and her husband. Nor was I trying to imply any sort of judgement about them getting married. I’m trying to become less ignorant.

If Wikipedia is to be believed, then the term started getting wider application starting in the late 1980s. As a cis-gendered child of the 70s, that probably explains why I didn’t notice it’s change.

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Fair enough.

Just because an individual settles down with someone of the opposite gender doesn’t mean they stop being attracted to people of the same gender all of a sudden. They don’t suddenly become cisgendered or straight just because they get married.

I’ve always understood queer as having a much more all-encompassing definition of sexual practices, so it was a more big umbrella term (from the 80s-90s, for me). But at one time, it just meant strange. Language evolves, but I’ve always understood it as more of a blanket term that was taken up selectively by those who didn’t feel comfortable with the more confining terms.

And that’s great. I just wanted to understand proper usage so I don’t make assumptions, especially incorrect ones. When I was growing up, it was primarily a derogatory (or at least irreverent, depending on who said it) term largely meaning ‘homosexual man’ (“Johnny are you queer?”, etc.). That the term is both less offensive and more useful in language is good to know.

As a queer man, the term always meant one specific thing when I was young: gay/lesbian. Bisexual, yes, but back in the 80s it was assumed that bisexuals were just indecisive gay people. It’s been fascinating to watch its definition change and evolve and expand over the last 10-15 years to encompass gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, or what have you. A cisgendered woman happily married to a man might call herself queer if she and her husband both get off on lesbian porn together. I’d also point you towards the excellent Oh Joy Sex Toy, written/drawn by a queer woman married to a straight man, which regularly depicts a wide colorful rainbow of genders, orientations, interests, and body types.


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