Squicked out alien describes human sex




Suddenly an uptick in ornithophobia among males…


Ahahaha, ‘where the dog lives’.


They hysterical shouting was in tongues, like at a Pentecostal church…When the fight was over, nothing was solved, but nothing mattered.


For one so naive about the sexual congress of humans, this alien sure has taken the time to learn the intricacies of outdated, quasi-racist children’s toys…


I never really understood things like this. The reason we get squicked out by stuff is because it’s human or reminds us of human. We’re often disgusted by cellular tissue leaking out fluid when it’s something like meat exuding blood or mucus, but not a grapefruit dripping juice.

Depending on context, sex can be exciting or disgusting when it’s between other people like us, but when paramecia or bacteria exchange genes the images is mostly clinical. What’s wrong with this alien that it has such human-like feelings about our parts and fluids?


Suddenly a new genre of cheap monster erotica that I could sell on Amazon occurs to me. The sex-with-Bigfoot lady made like $30,000 a month, what price my dignity?


I have a pal who moderates a slash-fic board somewhere. Pal says that all of these horrid descriptions appear with some regularity in the fiction submitted. But it’s probably just really grammar-deficient humans submitting. (Or maybe this “Mallory Ortenberg” is sourcing from the slash boards?)



The punchline goes:

“If the reproductive process takes nine months to complete, why were they in such a hurry there near the end of this activity?”


Simultaneously I am squicked out, but really want to see that.

ETA: I think it was the phrase “40 alien breasts bristle with nipples” that caught me off guard.


Well, yeah, but human sex is boring.
(Thanks to the excellent Roxydrew)


I dunno about you, but mine’s waaaaaayyy cheaper than that…


I can sympathize - I get pretty squicked out almost every time I visit Interzone…


Even as a human, I find it best not to think too much about what sex involves.




For some reason I want to hear these read aloud by Richard Ayoade.

A somewhat bright spot in an otherwise horrible, horrible movie.


This is like a hardcore version of Playboy and the Slime God, by isaac Asimov. That’s a great story, but it was obviously written on a very different time


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