Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/01/03/stereogums-worst-music-of-20.html
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Awwww, did they have to remind us about Corey Feldman’s “comeback”?
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That Missy Elliot / Fall Out Boy song from Ghostbusters was indeed dire.
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I know better than to click that…
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Smart, smart move. I was not so smart. 
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Hey, I like Ｓｉｍｐｓｏｎｓｗａｖｅ.
Simpsonwave seems like the kind of genre BB would be into, given our counterculture sensibilities here.
I actually listened to every song on the list to provide commentary. The original article was just a lazy link farm basically saying “LOL look at these shitty songs” without any real commentary as to why they were bad. So, yep, I sacrificed myself upon the altar of decency to actually listen to all of these.
Here’s my completely factual and objective opinions with a 1-10 rating, 10 being “totally fucking awesome”…
- Macklemore - “Spoons”
I’ve always thought that Macklemore is a terrible rapper with pretty much no lyrical flow or skill and amateur hour lyrics. He’s basically turned the entire Seattle hip hop scene into one big joke. I’ve heard maybe 10 songs of his and they are all basically mediocre at best, unlistenable at worst. This is definitely in the “unlistenable” range. Every verse was like sandpaper on my ears with un-clever lyrics and terrible delivery. (1/10)
- Soundgarden - “Spoonman (Steve Aoki Remix)”
I generally like Steve Aoki’s stuff and I can appreciate EDMifying classics even recognizing it as the cynical nostalgia cash grab that it is. This however is really not great at all. At a paltry 2:44, it barely even qualifies as a song. It never really develops beyond “let’s take part of one of the verses, drop a weak breakdown, repeat, and fade out.” It may as well be the opening titles for a dark crime drama set in 1990s Seattle. (3/10)
- Spraygun War - “OMG”
This is basically every nu metal song you’ve ever heard distilled down into one single song that will likely appeal to a 13 year old suburban white kid named Chad who’s mad that his mom’s oppressing him by not buying him a PlayStation 4. (2/10)
- Marie Osmond - “Give Me a Good Song (feat. Sisqo)”
An unlikely pairing of a washed up pop star that’s been long forgotten and Marie Osmond. This is such generic and overproduced “young country” pop that I can’t even be bothered to form much of an opinion beyond that. Absolutely nothing interesting here and I’m sure I won’t remember a thing about it after I’m done posting this. (2/10)
- Little T - “Road Rage”
This is clearly for laughs and shouldn’t have even made this list. Yeah, the lyrics are amazingly offensive but I was writing lyrics like this when I was his age (my buddy and I had a rap group called “Parental Advisory”) so I can’t really judge. I will say that this 12 year old kid is a hell of a better rapper than Macklemore. (5/10)
- Little Big - “Big Dick”
I’m not sure how you can take this seriously. It’s clearly a comedy song by a Russian version of Die Antwoord. I laughed at loud at its complete absurdity. (8/10)
- Zedd x Aloe Blacc - “Candyman”
I’m a fan of Zedd’s work and have really enjoyed his last two albums. There’s nothing particularly objectionable about this song. I mean it’s definitely not one of Zedd’s better works but it’s competently composed and produced. (6/10)
- Brad Dassey - “They Didn’t Do It”
Not giving any opinions on the story behind the song, but speaking only on the music it’s … not that bad? Dassey is better than Macklemore at the very least. (5/10)
- Fergie - “M.I.L.F. $”
I don’t know why Fergie still has a career. Her songs come off as so ingenuine and fake, and her “attitude” feels entirely manufactured. Hearing Fergie talking about how “all her girls are on fleek” is just eye-rollingly terrible. The entire content is horrible; earnestly misogynistic and sexist pushing the tired “MILF” trope. Great backing track, though. (3/10 – only because I like the backing track)
- Gobsmacked! - “Brexit Song”
The positive about this song is it was mercifully short. (0/10)
- Steven Tyler - “Janie’s Got a Gun (Somebody from Somewhere)”
This is the stripped down and unplugged version of “Janie’s Got a Gun” that nobody ever asked for. It’s surprisingly not terrible but damn is Steven Tyler’s voice going downhill. (4/10)
- Taylor Swift - “Out of the Woods (Metal Version)”
Clearly a comedy song. These kids have some musical chops. Still, not very watchable or listenable. (1/10)
- Darke Complex - “Void”
If you had told me this was a Linkin Park song from the early aughts I would have believed you. I guess nu metal is the new “retro” genre? I dunno. I actually kind of liked this, to be honest. (6/10)
- B.o.B. - “Flatline (feat. NDGT)”
It just boggles the mind that anybody would make the effort to write a diss track calling out Neil deGrasse Tyson and claiming science is bullshit and the earth is flat because… I dunno, NASA is part of DoD or something (which it isn’t)? There was just so much wrong with this song that it hurts my brain. (0/10)
- Fall Out Boy - “Ghostbusters (I’m Not Afraid) (feat. Missy Elliott)”
The less said about this the better. I really hope Huey Lewis is getting a fat royalty paycheck from this debacle. (0/10)
- Steve Buscemi & Elliott Sharp - “The Writer”
This doesn’t even belong here. This was part of a performance art project where Buscemi was reciting letters written by William Borroughs with Elliott Sharp providing backing instrumentalization. I wasn’t willing to listen to the whole thing but I’ve been to enough poetry readings in my life to recognize that Buscemi is in his element here. (no rating)
- Chewbacca Mom - “Heal the World”
Again I’m not sure why this made this list. Yeah, Heal the World is a terrible MJ song, but the woman in the video definitely does not suck as a singer. I’m beginning to think this “worst music of 2016” list is a sham. (2/10)
- Jim Breuer - “Be A Dick 2Nite”
Forgettable and cliched novelty crap. Zappa did it a million times better. (0/10)
- Throwing Shade - “hashtag IRL”
2 minutes of clumsy symth accompaniment to Generic Beat #2134 and nonsense lyrics. This was something… I’m just not sure what that something is. (3/10)
- MattyB - “Friend Zone (feat. Gracie Haschak)”
Offensively bad. Every moment of this song filled me with anger and rage. Not because MattyB is a bad rapper (better than Macklemore at least) but the content was so sexist and terrible (because naturally the girl you like not wanting to fuck you is like the worst thing ever, right?). Yeah, this belongs in a “worst music of 2016 list”. (-100/10)
- Train - “Play that Song”
Sappy. Schmaltzy. Shit. (1/10)
- Eminem - “Campaign Speech”
More spoken word than song. Nearly 8 minutes of nonstop cray lyrics strung together with minimal musical accompaniment. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was all done on the fly. Mixed bag of some very clever and cringeworthy rhymes. This harkened me back to some of his early freestyle raps. Challenging listening, for sure but I liked it mainly because Eminem is such a damn good rapper. (8/10)
- ＳＩＭＰＳＯＮＳＷＡＶＥ (compilation)
Conceptually, I actually really like the vaporwave genre (which is what this is). I find it to be some really clever culture jamming in the long and storied tradition of Negativland and Plunderphonics. I could see music like this being played on Over the Edge. Yup, I listened to all 59:50 of this. (10/10)
- Rich Chigga - “Dat $tick”
Another comedy song. I will say that this dude can rap. (4/10)
- Pikotaro “PPAP (Trap Remix)”
Yet another comedy song that’s clearly meant as a joke. It was so weird I actually kind of liked it. (4/10)
- Corey Feldman “Go 4 It”
This is like “Corey Feldman’s Karaoke Night”. Pretty damn awful, I must say but props for not just auto-tuning the shit out of everything. (3/10)
- Burberry Perry - “Beautiful Day (feat. Lil Yachty, Kylie Jenner, Justine Skye, and Jordyn Woods)”
Apparently this guy is such a bad rapper he has to autotune his rapping. Pretty much every single tired “I have so much money” rap trope is exhausted here in a complete waste of audio. (1/10)
- Barbra Streisand - “Pure Imagination (feat. Seth MacFarlane)”
I’ve always felt MacFarlane to be someone with incredible talent for both music and comedy that infuriatingly squanders it away on utter garbage. This was utterly insipid and uninspired garbage. Next! (1/10)
- JD & The Straight Shot - “Glide”
More sappy and schmaltzy shit. It’s so damn happy and upbeat that it’s exhausting to listen to. Only slightly better than that Train garbage from earlier. (2/10)
- Joe Scarborough - “Amnesty Don”
Ah, wonderful. A song saying lamenting that Trump’s views just aren’t extreme enough. (0/10)
- Pentatonix - “Coldest Winter”
I found this to actually be quite pleasant. (4/10)
As an aside, can you tell I’m losing my sanity bit by bit as I go through this list of songs?
- The 99% - “Superdelegate”
This was indeed pretty damn awful. I can’t even be bothered to form much more of an opinion. (0/10)
- Ricky Dillon - “Problematic (feat. Snoop Dogg)”
Who the fuck is this guy and why is Snoop Dogg there? Was he like just walking down the street and someone kidnapped him and said they would give him an ounce of weed if he did a verse? This is essentially paint by numbers trap-pop. Even Snoop sounds bored. (2/10)
- Chris Thile - “Alright”
I couldn’t get this to play and couldn’t be bothered to figure out why it wasn’t working. At this point I’m just looking forward to the sweet release of death. (no rating)
- Mark Thomas - “Selfie”
Seeing this 12 year old looking kid wax poetic about how he wants his girl to post sexy selfies to Instagram or whatever and “let me know you’re ready for me” is incredibly creepy. I feel like I should be on a some sort of watch list after seeing this video. (-1/10)
- Honey G - “The Honey G Show”
I couldn’t tell if this was a joke or not, but it was pretty bad. (1/10)
- “#HAM4BEY”
Maybe if you’re in the center of that Venn diagram of someone who wants to see the union of Beyonce and Hamilton then you’re the target audience for this. As for me I couldn’t make it more than 2 minutes before having to skip to something else. (0/10)
- Band of Merrymakers - “A Very Merry Medley”
(10 seconds in) that’s a big nope… (0/10)
- Katy Perry - “Rise”
While her music hasn’t really been my thing I recognize her talent. I can imagine a downtrodden 14 year old girl listening to this in her bedroom being inspired to Do Epic Shit after hearing this. I’ll say this song certainly gave me the inspiration I needed to listen to the next song. (4/10)
- “RIP Harambe”
So, it’s come to this. A song about the terrible incident turned into terrible racist meme. There was nothing honest, sincere, or even remotely funny about this. Just utter crap. (0/10)
Conclusion:
This list was largely bullshit – a mere listicle of “LOL look at these terrible songs” but with no real reason or justification. Anything intentionally comedic or bad really has no place in this list – and several songs there definitely met this criteria. Then there were things that don’t even really qualify as music. But yeah, the bad stuff was pretty damn bad.
Either way I’m worse off having listened to all of these so thanks, BoingBoing.
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