Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick says God is the founding father of America "He wrote the Constitution."

[vernonbird]

@frauenfelder

In a speech he delivered at the Christofacist CPAC conference, Patrick said, “We were a nation founded upon not the words of our founders, but the words of God because He wrote the Constitution.”

See the lunatic fuckery we gotta put up with?
And he’s not even from here! He’s from Baltimore, IIRC.
He used to be a sportscaster, then was a failed sports bar/restaurant owner. After that, he bought a small radio station & became an El Rushbo clone.

@RickMycroft

Why didn’t he kill himself for the economy?

Oh, that didn’t apply to him, of course, but funny you should ask…
Dan Patrick’s mental health issues go way back.

@Kii

He’s a particularly odious bit of christo-fascist

He is a Dominionist, along with his smarmy cohort, Cancun Cruz.

@evadrepus

…he is absolutely aware that once he is no longer Lt Governor the oddly-stalled cases against him will start up…

You are thinking of Ken Paxton, the Attorney General. He is also up for re-election, along with the other members [Abbott & Patrick] of the criminal Troika that have been ruling Texas for far too long.

I hope they get crushed at the polls, come November.

[Tamsin_Bailey]

"I think what God meant to say was… "

[Bubble_T]

I’m surprised he didn’t say Jesus was from Texas.

[Blamp]

Cultural/ingroup signaling, his literal belief isn’t that relevant to what this means

[anon33932455]

@generic_name

Except this brings up the question: He couldn’t get it right the first time?

Exactly why this is blasphemy, especially if he subscribes to inerrancy.

[Jesse13927]

That explains all the typographical errors.

[fuzzyfungus]

This couldn’t possibly be true! Everyone knows that God wrote the KJV, and the tone and vocabulary of that are significantly different from those of the Constitution!

[AJinNH]

For the love of Mike…

[kthejoker]

Remember when God was super obsessed with franking for like a week?

Remember when God called out high crimes and misdemeanors?

Remember when God forgot completely to put his name or any reference to himself in the Constitution?

Remember when God thought slaves were 3/5 of a person and women couldn’t vote?

What a dumb sack of sh**, going to be shocked to find himself in the pits of Hell for being a blasphemous hypocrite.

[docosc]

@kthejoker

Remember when God thought slaves were 3/5 of a person and women (and poor folks) couldn’t vote?

Oh, they remember that stuff especially well.

[L0ki]

@frauenfelder

God is an American, according to Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick

Clearly he is wrong. Everyone with any sense knows that God is a Yorkshireman.

[fnordius]

@gatto

even genesis can’t figure itself out [1]: first god creates plants, animals, and lastly people. later: it’s one person, then plants and animals, and ends by dividing people into sexes. ( really even the gods are different: elohim vs yahweh.) and that’s all before peter gabriel quit the band [2] .

how can anybody trust something that wishywashy?

The thing is, what we think of as seven days were seven merge requests from the dev team. The seventh day was the sprint review and retrospective.

Forgive my programmer humor. It was a hard scrum sprint at work.

Editing to add that Dan Patrick is like Deacon Vorbis from Terry Pratchett’s novel Small Gods: his mind is a closed steel trap, nothing gets in or out, and the only voice of God he hears is his own thoughts reflecting off of his impenetrable skull.

[al_packer]

Heresy – horse feathers. Mr Patrick just crossed the line into blasphemy.

[al_packer]

KJV is also known as the Golden Thread Version–lowered from heaven on a Golden Thread.

[the_borderer]

@fuzzyfungus

Everyone knows that God wrote the KJV

But which version of the KJV?

Wicked Bible

The other is a misprint appearing in Deuteronomy 5: the word “greatness” appearing as “great-asse”, leading to a sentence reading: “Behold, the Lord our God hath shewed us his glory and his great-asse”