Texas school bans sunscreen because a child might drink it



Safe from sunblock toxemia. Safe from learning about birth control. Safe from dangerous ideas about evolution and climate change.

Texas cares!


“It’s a really dangerous situation.”

Is this some kind of joke? I’m starting to get a little freaked out about the future of this country.


Give it ten years, sue the school for causing your kid to get cancer and problems solved.


No paper allowed in school. Choking hazard. And no pencils, either. Think of the poor, unguarded eyeballs of your children, here.


Yay, no more natural selection! Common sense is so last century bro.

With all these ‘new’ dangers! It’s amazing we’re even here at all!!

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With apologies to James N. Bailey:

Dear Superintendent,

I feel you should know that some asshole is signing your name to
absolutely inane policies.

Sincerely, Mister Eppy

Also: What is this I don’t even…


Well, they have to start off these kids with hysterical misinformation about the dangers of sunblock so that they will know not to listen to the hysterical misinformation about drugs. Way to start teaching kids even younger that adults will lie to them about anything.


You’re conflating Left Crazy and (Religious) Right crazy.

This makes sense; after all, we’ve already banned driving and parking on or near school grounds because a child might get run over.

Wait, what?

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Ouch. That picture brings back memories. Freckled/ginger sorts don’t usually do so well with lots of direct sunlight.

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The primary goal of education nowadays in the USA is to teach kids that the insane, senseless police state is normal.

It seems to be pretty well-designed for that.


WTF Texas? Giving Florida a run for its money as the craziest state in the union?

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At least the school started allowing soap in the restrooms again now that they took the proper precautions.


2 days later we’ll find out the superintendent of schools just happens to run a high-gothic celtic fashion haberdashery in 4 locations; we will need all new memes, then.


I’m just amazed that paranoia about sunblock managed to win against THE TERRORS OF RADIATION, which people tend to fear even when it makes no sense to do so, and in this case we are actually talking good, old-fashioned, chromosomal damage…

Wandering around in a haze of delusional paranoia is one thing; but you have to rank your fears correctly.

As it happens, hand sanitizer does get banned from time to time because it can be used as an alcoholic beverage if you are desperate enough. They add a bitterant, along with Aloe-with-soothing-action and focus-group-citrus-scent and whatnot; but your basic Purell is ~70 ethanol, under 5% isopropanol, and contains none of the more…aggressive…denaturants because that would make it unsuitable for frequent skin contact.

Compared to even a $10 handle of Mostly Not Xylene!™ brand vodka, it’s not exactly the choice of champions. However, if you are in prison or middle school, it may beat your other options.


As weird as this is, it’s exactly how my schools handled things growing up. Any “medicine” – sunblock, aspirin, cough drops, moisturizer, even saline solution for contact lenses – needed a doctor’s note or a parental note (it was a little vague). They were incredibly paranoid. This was central Ohio in the 80s and early 90s.

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Dear Superintendant,

Please be consistent and ban dihydrogen oxide (water) from school. Kids might inhale it. Inhalation of water is deadly. Also, ban books. Kids may smash their heads into them and suffer severe head injury. Ban shoe laces (danger of asphyxia when inappropriately wielded), ban pencils (may cause permanent blindness when applied to the cornea). Ban children. They exhale CO2, and as we all know, CO2 has a higher binding affinity to haemoglobin, displacing valuable oxygen from the bloodstream—not to mention the adverse long-term changes in heat capacity of the the earth’s atmosphere.