The Bob's Burgers Burger Book: Real Recipes for Joke Burgers


Originally published at:


Is the Child Molester burger in there?


“Okay kids, who wants Manning Coleslaw? And/or an explanation of why that’s funny?” – Sterling Archer thinking he was Bob


I am continuously amazed that there are people who think it’s ok that they “can’t cook.” My wife is one of them. I consider it a fundamental life skill like brushing teeth. It’s so undervalued by most people though.


Not being able to cook is a lot like not being able to math. You can still get by in the world, sorta, and plenty of workarounds exist so you’d barely notice your disability… it’s just such a limitation that people who can, have a hard time imagining that people who can’t would still want to be alive.

(I can just barely math a little, and I feel crippled for it.)


Jerk chicken isn’t dehydrated “chicken jerky.” Jerk is a type of dry-rub spice mixture. (Same long-ago word origin though.)


I thought for sure this was going to be a post from the Boing Boing Store-bot.

Not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck.
–Robert Rodriguez


Not to quote Ratatouille at you, but anyone can cook. As you say, it’s a basic skill. It’s just that some people are intimidated by knives and hot things, and are afraid of producing food that will be inedible, so they say “I can’t!”. Yes you can. Start with eggs, and build confidence.


You would be surprised how many functioning adults I’ve met who do not understand fractions. About 3 out of every 2 :grinning: But just as people can hide not being able to do math, they can also hide not being able to cook by eating out and/or buying premade food at the grocery store.

I can totally sympathize. I come across a lot of recipes that are inaccessible to me because they require some fancy whizbang kitchen gadget that I don’t have and would maybe use once a year if I had it, or some ingredient that is only available at specialty stores, but I don’t know which stores yet. By now, kitchen prep doesn’t faze me so much, and I have a list of places where I can go for specialty stuff, but I don’t blame beginners for being daunted.

Eggs are a fair place to start. Start with scrambled eggs, then hard-boiled, then over-easy, poached, etc. Eggs are good for practicing technique on. For some people, though, I would actually start lower than that. I would start with meatloaf, pasta, and anything that can be cooked in a crock pot. Then, experiment with different spices and flavorings while branching out in technique. Start with common ingredients (frozen mixed vegetables, ramen, etc) and experiment a little bit. Cooking should be about understanding what works and what doesn’t through trial and error, rather than blindly following recipes and relying on certain magical ingredients and techniques to carry the dish.


Hey, I love Ratatouille. Highly underrated movie.

closed #11

This topic was automatically closed after 5 days. New replies are no longer allowed.