The brewing crisis over the pile of poo emoji


Originally published at:


Thanks for adding another major first-world problem to my already troubled life.


Are you shitting me?


Who knew poo could result in a slippery slope?

Maybe someone should just make an emoji dialect that consists entirely of poo-based icons.



That is all.


Diarrhea on an inclined plane?


Beggars belief.

Mind you, these days belief tends to get robbed at gunpoint.


Laugh, I nearly shat


Well, shit. What do we do about this crap?


Eventually it’ll end up being user customized emojis. Anyone and everyone can tweak and create new emojis. Sort of how many games let you tweak a basic avatar appearance to create something “unique.” All that’s needed is an agreed set of emoji “genes” that are used to encode and decode the custom emoji.

The day it happens will be a new low in human history.


And then Microsoft or someone will allow executable code in emojis, and there’ll be a heap of shitty malware.


We certainly need one with a microphone. It would be a good response to trolls on message boards.

The reality, of course, is that the Unicode Consortium recognizes that they have to court the 3-9 year old demographic if they want to remain relevant in today’s world.


“votes yes on such an excrescence.”

I needed the word excrescence in my life.


The best comments in the document are on the first page:

ANDREW WEST: Emoji are among the most controversial characters that get encoded, yet they are rushed through with the minimum of scrutiny and public consultation. Why the rush? You could still have an annual emoji release cycle with a two-year review and consultation period.

I agree. This is ridiculous. However, I would encourage the time frame be increased to 18month cycle with 3year review period. That would help with temporary pop culture things that might be big now and die quickly, like if someone suggests a fidget spinner or pog glyph.


In the realm of emoji I am pro-absurdity, so I unreservedly endorse “crying poop”, “angry poop”, “poop rolling eyes”, etc.


And finally, the “poop taking a poop” emoji.


The real absurdity is that there’s a standards body that has as part of its mandate the approval of emojis.

Truly this is the darkest timeline.


I see what he did there.


The obvious solution here is for the various emoji codes to combine with other symbols to form glyphs, like diacritics and skin color codes. Make a “poo” background or a “face” background and then just add “SMILING WITH EYES OF TRIUMPH OR WHATEVER”, and boom, you’ve got a full set of normal emoji and a full set of poop emoji with only two added code points.


How else am I supposed to tell the world I just had a particularly bad dump via emoji? Sorry, the smiling poop emoji just doesn’t cut it.