The five stages of margarine grief


Originally published at:


I reject your reality, and substitute my own



Which stage is this?


Smoked though?


If “Acceptance” is unsalted I want nothing to do with it.


I can’t believe it’s not I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.


The ultimate stage of acceptance is Parkay squeeze margarine.


Because They Can™


Previously in butter substitutes:






“I Can’t Believe Anyone Would Mistake This For Butter”


You wonder what’s in the other 42% Rendered blubber? Petrochemical byproducts?


Reading this reminds me that I haven’t had butter or butter-like spread in a long time…I just cook with canola oil.


What is wrong with margarine in the USA? Why not calling it margarine???


“Your Tongue Knows It’s Not Butter”


sounds way too fancy


Not going to lie, I do like the hybrid spreads. My personal favorite is Move Over Butter which is (I think) half margarine half sweet cream whipped into a pretty tasty spread.

I mean, I like butter more and will only cook with butter - but I am not going to sit here and lie about eating crappy spreads on toast.


Where’s the stage for “We were all tricked into eating this tasteless monstrosity for a generation because it was supposed to be healthier, but it turns out trans fats were terrible and saturated fat isn’t the devil after all?”