The guy whose DRM for juice company cratered last year now sells "raw water" packed with all the microbes and amoebas you can stomach


#1

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/01/02/pathogenic-capitalism.html


#2

Doug Jones’ preferred “raw water” supplier, Live Water, has a website as ridiculous as you imagine, with gloriously insane quotes such as:

The Extensive Water Analysis shows super high levels of natural silica. Silica is essentially pure liquid crystals. Silicone holds information and energy in a unique way, thats why all our devices run off of them, hence the name silicone valley. Imagine how it would feel to upgrade your brain’s entire operating system to the best computer chips available.

and:
Unlike sterile water, our water will turn green if exposed to excessive heat and sun light.

That should be your first clue NOT TO DRINK IT.

Actually, tech-bros…


#3

“raw water”

The Jonestown Water District gets a revival. Kool Aid coloring is extra…


#4

P. T. Barnum understood this man’s customer base…


#5

homeopathy


#6

You never know who you’ll run into at the spring.”


#7

Actually I’m kind of waiting with glee for the first outbreak. With all the glib talk of how great unregulated privatized water would be on the part from the regulation = bad contingent, a few bouts with some lovely natural water life at the echelons of society who can afford luxury bilge and runoff might lead to some sobering recollection of history.

I was sick constantly as a child largely because I had undiagnosed immune disease and no one believed me but I did manage to catch Giardiasis once and it was bad enough my mother took me to a hospital so it must have been pretty damned bad.


#8

Put that in all caps and it would be go from homeopathic level crazy to time-cube level crazy.


#9

Hey, if raw foods are good for you, then raw water must be a great idea too. SMH.

The very first thing I was taught to do with spring water while camping was boil it or put chlorine tablets in it. I guess this means I am hopelessly old fashioned and I will never be able to join the Hipster Club.


#10

Eh - green won’t hurt you. I keep a water bottle by my bed for late night sips. Ever once in a while I have to clean the straw out… algae.

But even weirder than this, I saw in the back of I think Discover a few years ago some quack selling water that had the bonds of the molecule angled differently or some shit that was supposed to guard against cancer or some shit. I mean, molecular geometry IS a thing, but I am not sure you can change it, but it certainly won’t affect you.

Hold on - now I am wondering about the crazy…

Ah here is the guy. Enjoy.
https://www.johnellis.com/

And skimming - this is a debunk site:
http://www.chem1.com/CQ/johnellisbunk.html


#11

This does have that pre-Darwin Award feel to it, does it not?


#12

Ah, shit. My operating system has turned to chips again.


#13

Good grief. Now this is a real first-world problem: people who have had it so well (no rampant cholera or typhus, no smallpox or polio epidemics) that they no longer even realize this is not the natural default state. See also, a lot of anti-vaxxers.


#14

Or the toilet.


#15

3000% MORE ENERGY

Changing the hydrogen bond angle in ordinary water from 104° to 114° produced over 100,000 lifesaving results…even going through your SKIN!

Quackery confirmed.


#16

Or Scientologist crazy.


#17

Dang it!

The whole Juiceroo thing was a comedy gold mine. But this is just…I dunno. I’m gonna have to work harder to make fun of this because it’s like a self-parody.

I mean, we’ve already got the whole deal. White dude named Chris changes his name to an Indian name and talks about fluoride being mind control. Rich people comparing water to wine. Lots and lots of money involved. Douchebag thinks he’s some sort of urban explorer rebel because he’s trespassing to get water.

At this point, I got nothing.


#18

Hey guys! I have a Billion Dollar business idea!

We could install pipes under the streets and into people’s homes to deliver safe drinking water directly into the house! You could have it on tap, right there next to the sink!

I mean, yeah, we would need to treat the water to make sure no one got sick, but chlorine and fluoride is good for you anyway… :slight_smile:

(If “raw water” is better for you, wouldn’t we see that in comparison between the people who have wells and the people on City water? There is still a large population that does have well water, after all…)


#19


#20

I’m very okay with water not clogged with algae, personally.

Or water literally sourced from your roof.