Considering that we are required to pay for a seat for anybody over the age of 2… How exactly would this work for me to fly with my 2 year old? (See also, above comment about Peter Dinklage).
Not shown in patent diagram:
Waste disposal tubes.
IV sedation drip tube.
Snack slurry delivery tube.
Do. Not. Mix. These. Up.
The way I figured it working was to take a 3/2 jet configuration and exchange one half for sleeping berths and leave the regular seats on the other side. On a 767 size jet you might have the berths in the middle and seats on the outside. This way people who don’t want to use the berths can opt for seats instead.
There are a lot of other details that would need to be worked out. Like how to clean them and exactly what size to make them, how to load and unload (especially the top and bottom ones), how to handle emergency evacuation, etc…
All of those sound like paid premiums to me. I’m a little surprised they don’t include a credit card reader in the armrest, although I’m not sure how easy it will be to reach for your wallet in this seat. Could be a major design flaw if the seat makes it hard to be nickle and dimed to death.
As a short person, I find that sliding-down-the-seat position to be very uncomfortable, with or without heals. Also, who wears heals on a plane? If I might (possibly, maybe, even just a little) need to run for my life, I’m doing it in sneakers.
Or trains, as applicable.
Leaving apart the well-known risks of bike seats, this arrangement lacks protections against whiplash and other funny situations you can experience at landing or takeaway.
Slurry? People are, on average, 65% water. I’m thinking that reconstituting me with fine Parisian water would save at least $10 off my ticket.
Just don’t use pure water!
You would, of course, have to swipe a credit card before you entered the plane. That way they can bill you for your current weight and add surcharges (e.g., menstruation fee, Kosher or Halal snack slurry upgrade, baby restraints, first-time-user frequent flyer ID chip insertion,et cetera.)
The “seats” will be packed so close that passengers won’t be able to remove their credit cards during the flight.
As a convenience, airlines will collect all cards in a big bucket at the gate and pre-swipe them. At the conclusion of the flight, passengers will be able to reach into the Card Bucket and grab a random card. Fun for all! And you might get lucky and come away with one that doesn’t have $10,000 in debt. Grabbing the card means you are legally obligated to assume all financial responsibility as stipulated in the Sunny Skies 4Ever Act of 2017.
During the flight, passengers can signal their purchase choices by blinking once for beer. Twice for two beers. Three times for “keep it coming until we land.” Not blinking means you wish to purchase the unlimited No-Beers Pass where empty cans are delivered to your home with a commemorative plaque detailing the beers you could have drunk on Flight YOUR FLIGHT HERE.
Since there will not be room for trays, beer will be dispensed from overhead masks.
Unresponsive passengers at flight’s conclusion will be assumed to have agreed to continue their journey and the cost of their ongoing ticket will automatically be deducted from the Card Bucket.
Passengers who expire during the flight will be dropped onto the tarmac in the Central African Republic or somewhere over Haiti.
wow you can’t unsee that
These are all good ideas. Patent all of them so we can troll the airlines if they ever try something similar.
I gave you a ‘like’ for having traveled with The Traveler.
I didn’t get to chat him up or anything, he was just kind of hard to miss.
The funny thing about that flight is that we had an unexpected layover in a galaxy that existed beyond the limits of space and time.
[EDIT: I just checked his filmography and it seems we’ve both misremembered his role on ST:TNG. He played Mr. Homm (Lwaxana Troi’s mostly-silent attendant) but “The Traveler” was played by actor Eric Menyuk.]
Mad props to the Sea Stallion!
NOT JUST YOU.
That method of saving weight on interstellar travel is called “scunning”, according to Cordwainer Smith.
Jesus Christ, white people.
Just bang already.