The Huntsman: Winter’s War is a terrible movie, say critics


#1

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#2

recast fairy tales as gritty, pathos-driven tragic emofeasts:

Say that 10x fast!


#3

My brother and his wife recently decided to go watch it, and they said the movie isn’t totally awful but they say that the trailers and advertising for the movie is misleading. It sells itself as a prequel, and as you mentioned it’s actually both a prequel and a sequel. And the 2 queens comprise a small part of the story.

The only good thing they could say about it was that the costuming was great, and the visual effects were fairly decent. Story is garbage as is to be expected. Personally i don’t think i could make myself sit through it.


#4

Look at it this way; Charlize was the only good thing about the first one. So in this one, everyone is playing Charlize.


#5

I like movies in which heros wear their underwear on the outside, so on the one hand : glass houses and the unwise act of throwing of stones.

Also it doesn’t seem right for me to put yuck on someone else’s yum. ( a simplistic turn of phrase I’ve picked up recently but have become quite fond of ) Honestly, I’d be startled to find I was anywhere near the target demographic.


#6

You mean how fairy tales were ORIGINALLY?


#7

Fairly on point statement. I don’t have much to say about the movie because i have no intention of seeing it, and even if i did i’m well aware that the movie is not for me. Likewise with Maleficent, i have plenty to say about it and i did see it but the movie was not for me so saying anything is redundant.


#8

Sort of, but not entirely. My opinion though. My take on original fairytales is that they’re supposed to give the listener/reader a life lesson through sheer trauma and shock of horrible details and outcomes. It’d be like mixing Saw or Human Centipede with The Huntsman with a dash of GI Joe PSA. This in comparison with the actual “gritty movie trend” which is just grit for grit’s sake.


#9

Also it looks like in the picture some one gave that lady that prank gum/candy that turns your mouth black and she can’t take a joke and is PISSED.


#10

This is the best review of it I’ve seen thus far. It insists on calling it The Huntsman: Contractural Obligation Movie and describes Chris Hemsworth’s performance as drunk happy Thor. A movie where “Charlize Theron randomly turns into gold birds every now and then, without interrupting her latest hissing monologue,” and “where Emily Blunt (wearing all white fetishwear and a sick alabaster bird tiara) rides around on a giant creature that is half polar bear, half tiger,” can’t be all bad. Well, at least, they say it’s worth watching if you take your own viewing enhancements in a 20 oz. Slurpee cup.


#11

My spouse and I really enjoyed Maleficent… or rather, we enjoyed Angelina Jolie. When we saw the trailer for this, we both said “hell no.”


#12

Brevity is the soul of more than wit.


#13

I would offer a partially contrary opinion though. My wife and I caught this on Friday, and while we both agreed the movie’s story and dialog kind of sucked, the character, monster, and costume designs were actually pretty great.

The goblins — horned chimpanzees made of tar, who decorate themselves with gold leaf? Come on, that’s pretty cool.

I also rather liked the subversion of the “female dwarves are ugly and hairy” trope.


#14

A good chunk of Grimm stories could be reworked into Unsolved Mysteries segments.


#15

As a fairy-tale fan, this could be awesome were it not so unawesome.

But I still enjoyed Maleficent. Those 3 fairies have always been annoying. It’s so satisfying to see them get their comeuppance from Miss Nettles*.


* That’s from Princess Sophia which if you aren’t watching – well, aren’t you the sad sort?


#16

It’s the inevitable consequence of Charlize Theron chewing the scenery.


#17

You’re thinking of ABC After-school Specials.

Fairy Tales are designed to keep you un-bored and afraid of the dark.

Which are both probably life-lessons in and of themselves.


#18

They were nastier than the Disneyfied stories that this reacts to, but the sources rarely pathologized mythic evil. Maleficent, for example, was’t sad or Explaned By Tragedy. She was just evil.

Disney preserved the evil, but drained the stories of the nastiness that connects abstract evil to human experience.

These modern movies lose the evil for good but restore the nastiness, meaning they’re just mundane stories about human experience with a superficial gloss of computer-generated magic instead of “myth”


#19

Yeah I have seen some where there is no apparent lesson other than “Sometimes awful things happen to perfectly nice people”, not an invaluable message i suppose.


#20

That picture looks like the Statue of Liberty did acid and bit into some rotten food.