Someone stole my bed, and I won’t rest until I find the bastard.
OMG, I would put that on the wall, especially if it were done on velvet…
I want to purchase a vintage 70s van just so I can have someone paint that on the side.
Also acceptable!
And the van in the painting has the painting on the van, and…
… I thought for sure the internet would already have provided us with clickbait articles full of pictures of “vans with pictures of vans on the side,” but no such luck 
If I found a lamp and it said, “Keep rubbin’!” I’d put it down 
Took a second…
Not me. I say, “Fuck.”
A guy goes to his local bar. Outside is a nun who stops him, crying “Before you enter this den of iniquity, think of your father and your mother!”
“Oh, they’re dead sister. Dead in heaven 
”
“Well then! Think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!” replies the nun
“Wait a minute sister, have you ever had a drink?” says the man
“Why, no…” replies the nun
“Well then, how can you tell others about it if you’ve never done it yourself? I’m going in there and going to buy you a drink and if you don’t like it, then you can talk about it! Now, what’ll ya have?”
“I don’t know,” says the nun, “what do ladies normally drink?”
“Gin” says the man
“Well all right, I’ll have a gin. But, put it in a cup so nobody knows about it”
So the man goes in and bellies up to the bar. The barman steps over: “what’ll ya have buddy?”
“A beer, and a double gin, in a cup”
And the barman says “Christ, is that damn nun out there again?!”
A truck carrying terrapins has been involved in a large crash outside of town. Authorities are saying it is turtle chaos.
