The Onion wonders if animals should have more eyes


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/04/05/the-onion-wonders-if-animals-s.html


#2


#3

This would have been a more apt question for The Potato.


#4


#5

More mouths are gonna necessitate more assholes, and the world certainly does not need more assholes.


#6

Or bigger ones, which would be even worse.


#7

Yes Indeedy. Rob is doing the lords work.


#8

It’s kind of time for @beschizza to develop a browser plug-in that just replaces every person’s eyes with their mouth. Would make reading the news waaaay more fun.


#9

More mouths would be great. Eat with one, talk with the other.

Having multiple holes for different purposes downstairs is a great innovation IMO. I feel kinda sad for animals who have to get by with just a cloaca.


#10

Obviously, they’d be much better off if they just had more money.


#11


100% medically accurate, so you know it’s good


#12

Well obviously I’d like it if all my key parts were redundant and I could live for a thousand years. But my genome’s not interested in shelling out for anything like that; it’s cheaper just to replace me when I wear out. The only reason it even permits two eyes is so I can detect food and sex targets in 3D.

But the joke’s on you, DNA, because I’m resolutely gay and I refuse to do anything to advantage my genetic relatives.


#13

the correct answer in both cases is NOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOO!!!


#14

My only complaint is that you aren’t replacing ⊥rumps mouth with an arsehole. He talks enough shite.


#15

Q.E.D.


#16

Platypodes have three vaginas


#17

Good for them, I say!


#18

Hmph, Jesus gave every animal all the eyes it needs!


#19

It’s like some sort of Elder Thing. Only less likeable.


#20