The Onion's review of Fifty Shades Freed


#1

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/02/14/the-onions-review-of-fifty-s.html


#2

these movies suck. period. end of review.


#3

If my film dollar is trapping even a single reviewer in an endless nightmare hell not even the best Marvel movie is going to coax me into a theater. Thanks, The Onion!


#4

Can’t wait for The Flop House to get to this one.


#5

Total barfarama! This series of films are down right disgusting and the stuff of prepubescent wet dreams.


#6

Triggered.


#7


#8

As I understand it, this is a movie series that tells the story of a relationship between a billionaire and a naive young woman based on conspicuous consumption and an adolescent’s idea of kink and adult partnerships, with the lead characters portrayed by actors whose barely-concealed mutual loathing in real life destroys whatever on-screen chemistry is hoped for. I submit that this is the perfect movie series for our times, and that this reviewer is not the only American to suspect he’s died and gone to hell.


#9

I suspect you’ve made it sound more interesting that it actually is.


#10

There seems to be some consensus that E.L. James just googled, “Kink”. Which actually is unfair: she probably got it from watching porn. Googling it would have given her a better view of the topic.


#11

So I guess he didn’t like it…

:joy:


#12

Also worth a read: https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2018/02/fifty-shades-freed-a-spoilereview/552887/


#13

That was… wonderfully dark.

I’ll just leave this here


#14

Yet the review was high art. Never mind the movies.


#15

And yet I would go see the worst movie for just that reason.


#16

That guy’s a good actor!

It all took too long, though. Who’s got five whole minutes for anything from The Onion?!


#17

Kind of a darker take on the Mystery Science Theater 3000 premise.

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I like how he resumes the review as normal following his mind-melting.


#18

That was…something.

BRB, going to go watch every Onion film review I can dig up.


#19

That was great! Dark. So Onion.

more like Fifty Shades of Nope


#20

Look, I get it that the movie is bad. The filmmakers should stop doing this. I understand The Onion is trying to make a statement about moral vacuity here, truly I get it.

Making a joke of someone blowing their brains out while being live-streamed- yeah, that’s really not OK.