The Queen dying, Brad Pitt’s bigamy, and official approval for hand jobs, in this week’s dubious tabloids

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Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/03/13/the-queen-dying-brad-pitts.html

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Did the Queen catch her left hand in a closing door?

No, Colonel Mustard did it in the pantry.

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Bognor.

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I feel like the safest shock tabloid headline is to say THIS PERSON IS GOING TO DIE!!

Well, yeah! Eventually!!

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I think the life insurance companies aren’t trying to sell her more, at 92.

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Well, there are a lot of telephones in the palace. I’m sure there’s a few robocalling insurance spammers end up calling.

“Hello, we understand you’ve been in an accident recently. We’ve got £5,000 in compensation for you.”

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