These gorgeous roses can last for a year without any upkeep

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2020/02/01/these-gorgeous-roses-can-last.html

I know how to make roses last for decades.

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These are only like $1 at the gas station. For some reason the rose always ends up in the trash, though.

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Still fresh after three decades

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So how do they stay looking so fresh? First off, the brand only uses Ecuadorian roses. “They’re the highest quality roses because of their proximity to the Equator,” says Bansal. “Because of their location and environment—as well as the area’s rich soil—these roses tend to naturally last the longest as is.”
The Venus Et Fleur process starts the moment the roses are cut “at their most peak and perfect state,” says Bansal. After being dehydrated, “the roses are then injected with a wax-based, hypoallergenic, non-toxic solution that stunts their growth but keeps their soft texture and shape.”

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I remember when I learned these are crack pipes. I was all like:

“No fucking shit?!”

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… Ecuadorian roses. “They’re the highest quality roses because of their proximity to the Equator,”… After being dehydrated, “the roses are then injected with a wax-based, hypoallergenic, non-toxic solution that stunts their growth but …

A) The equator influences plant quality? How does that work?
B) Dehydrating roses kills them. These are dead.
C) You can’t inject stuff into a dead plant. You can coat it with stuff, or soak it in stuff.
D) It’s not the solution that stunts their growth, it’s the fact that they are dead.

Boing Boing store went all out on this one - saying that these things are fresh roses, still alive and growing, is industrial strength lying.

Thanks for the link, Keith Mc Clary!

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These are basically very expensive embalmed, artificially colored and scented, dead rose heads. Seems like many new vendors are jumping on this “forever rose” trend.

IMO, buy real long stemmed roses from a local florist if you’re going for flowers.

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Glycerine, lipids and dye replacing every bit of moisture in these flower carcasses.
Mummified blossoms. Sweet.

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Fantastic metaphor for a romance, especially when they extend the shelf life only “somewhat”.

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So wait, being dehydrated and injected with a wax solution stunts their growth? Imagine that. When a flower is cut, then dehydrated, and injected with a foreign substance, they no longer grow…

I’d believe “slows decomposition” maybe…

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Not “mummified” (however accurate that may be), only “growth stunted”…

I imagine that they first tried a solution of natron, following by a soak in bitumen though…

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Or search on Etsy if they have to last a long time :slight_smile:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/689625304/glass-rose-glass-flower-glass-art-red

Please tell me this was a joke post. Please.

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Get with the programme, guys! Decomposition IS growth.

(Or what passes for it in much of western ‘civilisation’, to say nothing of western ‘democracy’.)

I am becoming increasingly convinced that the BB Store is deliberately provided by BB as a semi-trolling section of the site, specifically provided to give us a creative outlet for our piss-taking and eye-rolling. It has become one of the more entertaining sections, for sure. And if it parts a few rubes from a few dollars to help pay the rent? So be it.

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The little rose mummies lasted longer, but the color was affected . . .

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I have seen these roses in real life. After a few months they look frayed. Something that delicate gets damaged anytime someone touches it.

Also seeing flowers barely peeking out over a box looks weird.

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ZOMBIE ROSES!
Dead but still alive. They want your brains.

Also- yuck

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I remembered when I learned that too. It was right before I started typing this reply. And now I feel very naive.

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