I went immediately from being nonverbal to speaking super formally. It took me a while to learn code switching after that, but it basically means that different social situations have different grammar rules.
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We have 'em out here, too. There’s a bucolic village in the mountains northeast of where I grew up that prides itself on its apples and pies, and I’ve picked a few bushels there. Also had a couple apple trees in our backyard at the trailer park, though our apples weren’t nearly as good as our plums and tomatoes and bell peppers. I do love a good apple right off the tree, and I like several varietals better than Red Delicious. But still, my go-to apple is the Red D, and when I pick a good one (and I’m good at picking good ones), I’m very satisfied.
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A beaver looking at fake trees…my day is now complete!
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and thinking “Dammit!”
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Dam it?
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Today this grinds my gears:
People who never seem to say ‘thank you’ online in response to greetings, well wishes, etc.
You know who you are.
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That might be me…sorry? 
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It’s not you.
Though I do wish you’d post more comments, so I could like more of them.
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I am usually too busy hiding in embarrassment to respond properly. I have this weird dynamic (shocking, I know) that I am a person who appeared quarter way into a conversation, stayed and tried to contribute well through the second and third quarters, and somehow disappears before the fourth quarter. I feel that it is important to share ideas with people, but the beginnings and endings seem too personal. I am not here to be a person, I am here to help!
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It’s not YOU either, Popo.
We often disagree, and many times I find many of your views unrealistic, but I have no issue with your manners.
But you are a person, whether you recognize that or not; and sometimes the only people we can ‘help’ are ourselves… sometimes not even then, sadly.
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And now just about everyone reading this is thinking “Oh shit, it’s me, isn’t it.”
Oh shit. It really is me, isn’t it.
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It’s also not you, M_M.
( I guess I shouldn’t have written ‘you know who you are.’)
In fact, now that I think about it, it’s not anyone who would ever even think to ask, “Oh fuck it’s me, isn’t it?”
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To be fair, I didn’t completely 100% think it was. But it’s difficult to resist making a funny.
It’s like deodorant. The one person that really needs it is the last one to recognise it.
And today’s grit in the prawn sandwich of life. 2 days into December and I’ve had enough of Xmas already. 
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Oh fuck, that’s totally me.
EDIT: Agh, and here I am making a statement instead of asking “Is it me?” It’s totally me, isn’t it?
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Fuckin’ A.
Apt metaphor; that visual immediately made me disappointed.
And I was already sick of Xmas back during Halloween.
Totally not you, but you also should comment more.
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Sold. This is SOP in the charity world. My take on this is that if a nonprofit has enough money to buy a mailing list from someone, they don’t need my contribution.
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I specifically use that one to convey dismissiveness.
Totes.
IN
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Half the time I don’t know who I am, let alone who you are 
[Don’t take my stupid jokes; I need them to get through this grumpiest of my seasons.
And in the interest of keeping the gears grinding…
People who would like to add me to their professional network on LinkedIn. I’ve begun replying with, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to find another way to get fired.
I needed this today.
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You know what really grinds my gears?
Me when I start bickering with quasi trolls instead of just ignoring them.
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