TikTok lawyer's guide to outsmarting tricky traffic stop questions

Originally published at: TikTok lawyer's guide to outsmarting tricky traffic stop questions | Boing Boing


Especially fitting post on this holiest of holidays, Shut The Fuck Up Friday


The advice is sound, but the presenter is giving me some seriously sleazy vibes.


I don’t know, I feel like he has some serious Leslie Jordan vibes.

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While I know it wouldn’t be the smartest thing to say, I’ve always wanted to answer the, “Where are you coming from or where are you going?” question with, “Your Mom’s house.”


For the first one, I like: “I was within single digits of the speed limit.” Doesn’t say what side of the limit, so doesn’t lie. Never had to use it, tho, because it’s (almost) always true.

The main problem following his advice…for me anyway…is my anxiety would kick into high gear and I would answer his questions honestly:

“Yeah, I think I was going around 70mph. Sorry…”

“I guess you pulled me over because I was speeding. Sorry…”

“Yeah, you can search my car. No problem. Sorry…”

“I went to Target to get socks and underwear. Then I stopped by Wendy’s for a Frosty. I was then going to go home and walk my dog, but remembered I needed to get dog food and went to PetSmart. Sorry…”


In Canada this doesn’t seem to be as much of a problem?

But they’ve never asked to search my car - ever. And while I have been asked the first two questions, it was always used more as the ice-breaker you’d expect from a normal human not looking for a reason to harass you.

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: Yes
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: no, but I hoping you’ll share.

And the last one about where are you going? I was taught as a teenager (by my dad) that the answer to this is always “On my way home, sir.” regardless of where you are actually going.

My Dad to me, a pre-teen who has never had a run in with a cop and thought they were there to help: "A cop can shoot you dead. You might be all sorts of right, but you’ll still be dead. “Yes Sir.” “No Sir.’ “On my way home, Sir.” is all you should ever say to a cop - and always be polite, especially if you hate him.” And I imagine we had it pretty nice compared to parts of the US.

This one piece of advice has gotten me out of trouble more than once. Like that time I was whizzing on a tree on my way from one part to another. There I was drunk, peeing on a tree, but all he told me to do was be careful and get home safe.
I partied on, Grath.

Thankfully I am older and wiser now and look around for cops before I pee on a tree.

Thank you for attending my Ted Talk.


I don´t know if the video goes into this but that reaction is exactly why they ask. If you volunteer the information, they don´t have to prove anything and you may well voluntarily waive all sorts of rights - enabling them to charge you with something they could never have found out legally.

Didn’t watch the vid, but if BB’s quoted text is correct, it would appear this atty is providing advice to white people only.

  • “Do you know how fast you were going?” Kev’s advice: Channel your inner zen and respond with, “I wasn’t speeding.” Remember, admitting nothing is key!
  • “Do you know why I pulled you over?” Kev’s wisdom: Always play dumb and say “No.”
  • “Can I search your car?” Kev’s counsel: Stand your ground and say, “I do not consent to a search.” They’ll need probable cause or a search warrant to proceed.
  • “Where are you coming from and where are you going?” Kev’s suggestion: Politely inform the officer that you’d rather not share that information.

If you can’t trust a lawyer who wears gold pinky rings and a colorful suit emblazoned with virtue-signaling lapel ornaments then who can you trust?



I have those talks with my kids. Cops aren’t always there to help, and as you look around, they are not necessarily the helpers, as Mr Rogers would say.

Yep, and now I have my own tree, behind a fence, so I can do that whenever I want.


High school, 1980s. Friends and me were driving across town to score bud, maybe stop by friend’s cousin’s place. Got pulled over, cops pulled us all out of the car and separated us. Asked us separately where we were going. Turns out we all replied the same, over to his cousin’s place. I overheard one cop say to the other our stories matched, they let us go, except for the cousin who got a ticket for the little bag of homegrown he had on him. Oh, and they found my resin-ey pipe, made me walk it over to a dumpster and toss it (what a waste). Other than that, we were good to go, scored our bag soon after and just kept goin’.

One’s basic rights needs to be more widely known. I learned from another video that handing over your car keys upon request is also considered granting consent to a search. Side note: it’s some kind of an asshole who’d want to trick you into giving up your rights.

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… by law enforcement.

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Law enforcement officers often seem to spend a lot of time figuring out how to violate a person’s civil rights on the sly. Like the folks who devise devices for the orthodox Jewish community that work around the rules of shabbat-timers for lights, strings around whole neighborhoods, ways to keep your mobility scooter powered up so you can still get around and so on.
“We know we need a warrant to search this guy’s car. How can we fool him into letting us do so?” After all, if they don’t find a way, they know they can just do it anyway, claim they had permission and get away with perjury.

Always trust a lawyer with a black eye

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