Tips For Being An Unarmed Black Teen


#1

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#2

Wow…excellent satire…sad that this is more true than funny :frowning:


#3

On their good days, that’s exactly what makes The Onion what it is: Stuff that is funny; but sufficiently indistinguishable from reality as executed with a straight face that the funny is really, really depressing.


#4

I think if I was a black teen in Missouri, I would lay down spread-eagled every time I saw a cop. Hopefully if every kid did this, it would make a non-violent point.


#5

Naah, they’d get arrested for loitering or blocking traffice and get the shit kicked out of them anyway.
(sadly, not sarcastic here)


#6

The Onion gives some bad advice there:

Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.

I think the police consider this “interfering with police business” or possibly “resisting arrest.” They don’t take kindly with being told what (not) to do, even (especially) in the form of a logical argument.


#7

Michael Moore had a bunch of tips back in 2000.


#8

That’s brilliant. Seeing everyone walking with their hands up certainly presages Ferguson.


#9

“Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.”

No shit. The police are becoming more dangerous than any gang.


#10

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