Tortoise races hare, wins


Originally published at:


Harely a contest!


Ennui is a powerful drug. Obviously, the tortoise lacks the awareness and sensitivity to experience an existential crisis in the course of navigating 20 feet. Some species have it easy.


The rabbit is curious about the crowd and all the noise.


It’s a rabbit, not a hare. Same family, different genus.


When this originally came out, I remember someone saying that there was a dog in the vicinity and the rabbit was probably reacting to it. I don’t think that changes the point, though. The rabbit’s reason for stopping isn’t really relevant–only that it lost the race because of its genetic predisposition to be flighty.


The “hare” wouldn’t have even started without a poke to its backside.


I bet I coulda made that rabbit go faster.


The faster you make the rabbit go, the less control you have of where it goes.


Zoiks! Rabbits got Heisenberg!


I bet I coulda made the tortoise go faster tooJet propelled tortoise


as someone who has to take care of a rabbit I can say that the rabbit is pausing for the reason that it’s a rabbit.


I call shenanigans because it’s not an actual “race.” The “contestants” aren’t actively competing with intent to win. It’s just an example of humans vainly trying to bend animals to their will for entertainment purposes—it’s inane spectacle fueled by childish anthropomorphism.


Au contraire, the tortoise is clearly aware that existence is chaos and is reigned to chew grass and trod along through the absurdity of life on a planet with insane hairless apes.


True. See also Michael Phelps versus a great white shark. Actually, don’t. I’ll never get those couple of minutes back. No need to waste yours.


The rabbit is merely stopping to snack on its poo, as pseudo-ruminating lagomorphs are wont to do.


It’s safe to say the tortoise, or Tank Lizard, crossed the line first, it would be hard to say they were racing against each other.


You must be fun at parties!

If a race only exists if the “contestants” have “intent to win”, you must really hate dog ‘racing’.

Should we rename horse racing to jockey racing?


What a silly picture; tortoises can’t reach back like that.


I knew someone would figure out how the tortoise did it! Besides, rabbits aren’t built right for racing… “Those ridiculous ears. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Wind resistance, son. Just wind resistance.”